Primordial Chaos

So, here's the story of what happened to me on Sunday that landed me in the ER.

I was taking Cy on a hot air balloon ride as one of his birthday gifts. We were cold, but having a lot of fun looking out over the city, playing I spy, and just enjoying the early morning view of the city from a hot air balloon. I felt absolutely fine.

At some point, judging by my pics the last I was conscious was over I-40, I had a grand mal (tonic-clonic) seizure. I don't remember blacking out. I was told later I just fell straight down to the bottom of the balloon basket and started seizing, violent twitching and everything. I don't know much about the time I was out. I do know I scared the fuck out of everyone else on the balloon ride. This was my first actual seizure EVER. I don't have a history and there was no way I could have predicted this. Which to me is the scariest part.

I remember starting to come to while laying at the bottom of the basket, and we landed shortly after I started coming around. I distinctly remember the bump when we hit the ground. I was very confused as to why I was laying on the bottom of the basket, I had no recollection of getting there. Cy was terrified. I had a shitload of amnesia when I first came to.

I was hauled out of the basket, onto a stretcher and into an ambulance, which had been waiting for us on the ground. Very blurry moments in my mind. While in the ambulance and trying to get an IV in me, they kept asking me questions. What's my name, what day is it, where am I, what had I been doing that morning (AKA balloon ride)...I did not know the answers. I knew 3 things, Cy's name, my mom's name and her phone number. Cy answered what he could and they called my mom who filled in the blanks. They told my mom I'd had a seizure and they were rushing me off to the hospital, she could meet us there. I am drifting in and out of consciousness, I remember just wanting everyone to shut the fuck up so I can go to sleep.

I only partially come to twice during the ambulance ride, I remember briefly looking around. I have severe amnesia at this point, I remember very little about myself or the world around me. I didn't even know what city or state I was in, where I went to school, what my major in college is...shit was straight scary. I basically did not know a damn thing about myself.

I drift in and out of consciousness some more, and at some point my mom comes in. It takes me a minute but I recognize her. She tells me no one can have fun around me, I could ruin a wet dream. I smile, at least she has a sense of humor about this. Slowly bits and pieces of my memory come back, Warren being one of the first. So I text him and tell him what's up. My mom is wondering who the fuck could I be texting. I tell her, she said I thought you two weren't speaking.  I give her a quick "things change" and make it clear now isn't the time for this convo. They come in and tell me they need a urine sample to do a pregnancy test before they can do a CT scan. I get a bedpan shoved under my ass, but I don't have to pee. So I then get a fucking CATHETER shoved up my pee hole and they're shoving it in, out and around my bladder to find some pee, I can feel it poking the inside of my bladder and my peehole isn't real thrilled with the rough treatment. They also take a shitload of tubes of blood, at least 10. I get whisked off for a CT scan to check for brain damage/injury right after.

After the scan they come in and tell me my CT scan is normal and that I'm not pregnant. I roll my eyes at the doc apparently and make a remark well I'm glad they wrecked my peehole to find out, because my crotch hurts like all hell. I not only have an IUD, which has the same effectiveness as getting my tubes tied, but am on the pill to reduce the amount of bleeding each month because I'm getting very anemic because of how much I bleed. I couldn't get pregnant if I tried. My peehole STILL hurts and it still hurts to pee. Fucking hell.

I'm still drifting in and out of consciousness, and have a great deal of amnesia still. Eventually they come in to tell me they think my adderall caused it because they can't figure out what it is. I know that's not it but can't recall what I think it is. I'm fully awake but not entirely all there yet. My mom goes and get the car and takes us home, I am still having memory issues and lots of amnesia.

I get home and after my brother gives me a ration of shit, I go to my room and sleep. I've had a bit of a rough day and all. I sleep most of the day, I'm sure my body is making repairs. I do wake up every so often, and each time more of my memory comes back. Even two days later though, not everything is back. But I'm mostly here mentally.

I eventually remember what the most likely culprit is. I'm on bupropion, brand name Wellbutrin, for depression. It lowers the threshold for seizures, this is a well documented side effect. On top of that, your chances go up significantly if you take a single dose greater than 200 mg AND if you take more than 400 mg a day. Both of which I'm doing. So my chances were far greater than your "standard" rate of side effects. I'm also notorious for having some of the worst possible outcomes happen to me, I'm somewhat unlucky. So I'm not really THAT surprised I fucking had a seizure. The idea of my brain having it's own little electrical storm and frying some wiring really bothers me. I don't think there's permanent damage, but I worry about it. I kinda need my brain firing on all 12 cylinders. That's just a huge part of me.

Anyways, my family and friends got a good little scare from yours truly, but I should recover completely. The vast majority of my memory is back, and I'm sure the little pieces I'm missing will be back shortly.

There's never a dull moment with me.

~A.