Primordial Chaos

 If I have to tell you that's not a song, you and I need to have a little talk. And by talk I mean I'm gonna slap you upside your head.

What am I thankful for? Friends and family, past, present and future. My gifts and talents, born with and acquired. Having found my way in life. The experiences that have shaped me, that I have grown from, that continue to guide me. For all the things Warren taught me about myself and life, every day I realize just how much insight he gave me and how often I use it. I'm thankful for love and music too.

I'm a pretty competitive and aggressive person. My saying that is like pointing out the sky is blue. Since I've been wrapped up in basketball lately, I kinda wish I played college ball. Kinda. 1) I'm more of a, ahem, mental athlete. 2) Age, and number 3...is probably the biggest one.

I would have had to play girl's basketball. Fuck that. I'd want to play with the boys. I wouldn't care if I was the only girl out there, if ANYONE could hold their own with the boys, it's ME. Last spring during personal training I practiced with the boys team a few times, and I had a blast AND held my own. (And dated one, :P)

I love my guitar. The strings on it are French carbon fiber strings, high tension. AMAZING sound compared to the other strings I used. People tend to ask me what guitar I'm using because it has such wonderful sound. They're usually shocked it's a $200 Yamaha starter guitar. :P I use high tension to reduce string vibration, something you kind of want if playing actual classic guitar and finger plucking. However, I play my classical guitar as an acoustic, so I need less vibration to accomplish that and have good sound clarity. It works for me, oddly. However, I'm thinking of actually getting an acoustic guitar. There's a few tricks that are REALLY hard to accomplish on a classical that are easy on an acoustic. Plus the fretboard isn't as wide, something I struggle with on my classical since I have small hands. I also, eventually, want to take up electric guitar too. I love music, and I'm quite enamored with guitar. I could have a worse hobby. :P

So, I'm in a bit of a pickle, and it's based on my principles. I've made it clear just how much I despise BA Psych majors (Of course, this is purely based on my time at UNM) because they all seem to be FUCKING STUPID. All they can do is spout theory, and do so with NO CLUE about the biological basis behind it. I'm not fucking chronically depressed because I'm "overly sensitive" and "can't handle life as well as normal people". I'm fucking depressed because my dopamine pathway is fucked up you god damn fuckwits!

Anyways, I went for my BS because of my firm beliefs and knowledge of the scientific basis behind psychological disturbances. I live this shit every day. Now I am reconsidering going BA for the sake of powering through my undergrad to get to where I am going. However the thought makes me feel fucking DIRTY. So it's a REALLY hard choice, because of my disdain for BA Psych majors. I don't want to be one of them, but I also don't want to spend more time than necessary. I'm really torn, but don't have someone who can give me an educated opinion on what would be best for me. I need to figure it out like NOW because I enroll in classes at 12:01 am on Monday. ARGH. I'm also trying to take into consideration if I transfer, would the BA program be better? I mean, UNM's BS requirements are, um, rather low, and the BA reqs are even lower. I don't even know what my back up plan is or how that would factor in!

I'm actually so stressed over this I'm shedding heavily. However, I have my new pencil and a notebook and god dammit I'm going to hash this out the best way I know how...with written words. When I figure it out, before Monday obviously, I'll write about it for sure.

Time to EAT, like I haven't been eating for fucking days as it is. :P

~A.