Robin Thicke:
I emphasized the two lines that really struck me when this song came up in my playlist. That's all I'm saying about this.
These days it's hard to find
someone to love
once you find them
you don't want to give up
And now I know that we're
both alone in this
it's just me and you
against the world
And there's me
and there's you
It's just me and you
against the world
(Oh girl)
And, what am I supposed to do
the alarms are going
off in my head
and It's dangerous
yes It's complicated
We're the only ones who get it
the only ones that want this
the only ones who believe
in love
It's just the two of us
getting into love
It take two of us
to change the world
I've got you
you've got me
It's just me and you
against the world
Girl, you got me so
crazy in longing
and I know it's
wrong but so right
and I'm holding you
I have been dreaming
and I can't let you go
now, you're mine
Girl, what am I supposed to do
the alarms are going
off in my head
It's just the two of us
getting into love
It takes two of us
to change the world
I got you
you got me
It's just me and you
against the world
It's just the two of us
getting into love
It takes two of us
to change the world
I've been listening to this song A LOT lately, especially in my car. Cookie if you can guess why. D'Angelo - Smooth:
So my Lobos won tonight 88-86 in OT to a team that beat us earlier this season. I seriously hope some of the video shows up on Youtube because there are a few seriously awesome moments I'd like to share. It was a REALLY good game to watch, even though I was watching from home. I wish I'd been there! The Heels, hey, listen, I'm still a fan, but they are fucking sucking this season, and it's really hard to wanna post about them losing all the time. Especially when the Lobos are far more interesting. I REALLY wish the Heels and Lobos would play each other and the Lobos win. I'd like that to go down in the books and I would laugh my ass silly over it. Just sayin'. :P
Life is returning to normal after the whole seizure thing. Next week I go back to classes and get back into the groove and/or caught up if need be. My life is crazy, yeah? Always SOMETHING wild going on. My memory is back for the most part, that whole day it happened is really sketchy though. My mood is kinda off too, I don't know if it's because they adjusted my dosage or because of the seizure. I'm kinda touchy and kinda moody, at least more so than usual. Hell, that could be from all of the emotional bullshit I've gone through over the past couple of weeks. It definitely got worse after the seizure and dosage change, so that's at least part of the issue. I'm sure once everything settles down, mentally and emotionally, I'll go back to my generally laid back self. Right now though, I'm a live fucking wire.
Right now I'm in the calm before the storm. In March application deadlines are coming up, so I need to be absolutely damn sure of where I'm applying to before then. But shit's complicated. It was complicated to start with, then got really simple, but now got complicated in a couple of ways I wasn't expecting. I'll try this rolling with the punches thing. As long as I reach my primary goal/focus, I think I can cope with anything else. Of course, I said that before and then couldn't cope with Warren being gone so that's just motivational bullshit. But really, it's true, I can handle anything as long as I reach my goal of going into research. But only if anything doesn't involve a situation that requires being without Warren. :P I've given up trying to explain it to other people. I guess only he and I understand it. Which that's pretty cool, really.
As I do, I'm stressing about possible issues if I do leave UNM/NM. To be specific, whether or not where I go will let me have my cat AND my dog. I'd be sooooooo heartbroken if I had to leave one. :( Of course, if I take them I'd have to get my own place because trying to match pets and roommates is just too much of a pain. I guess that's another thing, do I live on my own or get roommates. True to my solitary nature, I'd prefer on my own. But maybe there's experience to be gained from doing the whole college roommates thing? However, I'd have to room with girls. Fuck. That. Rooming with guys would be preferred, but that leaves open a bunch of issues. First, I wouldn't room with gay guys because I'm just too tomboyish and generally don't have anything in common with them besides finding men attractive, most tend to run feminine which is what I'm trying to avoid anyways. But I can't room with straight guys because that would get weird in a fucking hurry. Especially since I'm cute as hell. :P My point being there's so much to consider, it's definitely not going to be a jump up and go kind of deal. It will be very calculated. As I do. :)
My life is in a state of intense change, and I'm doing pretty good at keeping my cool about it all. This new me is pretty fucking awesome.
~A.
I really despise the fact I feel a need for this post to exist. I am angered by the behavior of some of those around me. As I am fucking tired of having this conversation, I'm unloading here and then referring others to this post to save me from wasting anymore of my time and breath on this.
So a few of you have made it unpleasantly clear you do not approve of Warren in my life and/or somehow feel it is related to my falling out with Ryan. Listen to me, fuckstains. Ryan tried to pressure me into moving in with him when he got back. Even though I did enjoy spending time with him, that is NOT the direction I wanted to go with him. This whole falling out happened the day BEFORE Warren emailed me after 3 months. It was purely happenstance timing. Not a god damn thing more.
Yes I was very open to repairing the damage between Warren and I. I always give many chances for people to fix their mistakes with me. Some of you are only still in my life because of such chances. What happened, happened. Warren and I have made our peace and really picked up right where we left off, if not with a deeper appreciation and respect of each other. We learned life without each other sucks. We missed each other terribly. That whole mess is water under the bridge now, and some of you should leave it as such. It's between me and him anyways.
Speaking of between me and him, stop fucking hounding me about what's "going on" between me and him. I refuse to define our relationship to anyone, and really, I don't fucking know what he and I "are". I'm ok with that, so you should take a clue and do the same. Shit's complicated, alright? And what the fuck do you care anyways? I don't know what it is or where it's going. Final answer. I just know I love him immensely and am glad he's in my world making shit complicated. He's my favorite frustration. Some of you are REAL CLOSE to being my LEAST favorites.
He is not manipulating me. He has before, yes. But that ain't this. New phase now, and everything previously is forgotten as far as I care. Using previous behaviors to try and prove he is up to no good now is a logical fallacy and a SERIOUS crime and insult against me. Knock it the fuck off. Now.
I'm a grown ass woman and can handle my shit, thank you very much. The fact is I don't know where I'm going from here, in regards to him or hell, even otherwise. I'm still not even sure what school I'm going to...or if I should apply elsewhere or if I will apply elsewhere. I don't know how much Warren factors into that. I am not stressing it, or I wasn't until I kept getting rafts of shit about it. When I know for sure, everyone else will. End of fucking story.
All further inquiries will be referred to my ass in the form of you kissing it. With tongue.
I'm fucking ashamed to know some of you right now. You know who you are, and you can fuck off.
~A.