Primordial Chaos

I started this blog January 14th, 2009. Almost a year now, geez. I remember completely deleting my previous blog to start this one. I wanted to wipe away the past and just go forward, there were things in that blog I did not want to remember. This one has worked out much better, yeah? I started this blog in a state of disquietude, and for most of the time resorted to it only in such times. Every period of time where I was posting about daily, I was dealing with some shit. Now, I try to write as often as possible regardless of my mood. I mention off to the side of my blog that this is my mental toilet. It really is, and I've noticed the more often I dump my mind here the better my mood is. I know I get super moody and irritable when I have a bunch of things bouncing around my mind. I also start getting stressed out the longer I have a busy mind. To be completely honest, when I started writing super frequently end of September, it was in a state of distress. I needed to vent, A LOT. Then once I was posting here on a regular basis, I noticed my mind wasn't so foggy and I didn't get stressed out because of mental constipation. So even once my state of distress passed, I kept writing here. Do I put everything that gets in my mind here? Hell no. I don't document every little thing I do either. The vast majority of the major things in my mind get put here though. Some things are better left unsaid, and I leave those things so.

So here we are, at the end of 2009. What a year! At the beginning of the year, I really thought this year was going to be terrible. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, but overall I've had a wonderful year. I really hold 2009 as a source of pride, a "look what I can do" kind of year. I think I was far more successful than most may have expected. I accomplished a lot, especially in the area of personal growth. I met or exceeded every last one of my 2009 resolutions. First time ever for that. I plan to do the same for 2010, hold myself to a certain standard.

The problem with resolutions for most people is they set the bar too high. Quit smoking, start exercising every day from never exercising, lose an unreasonable amount of weight, quit eating sweets...all of which are very noble and self improving goals. However, you're not going to just automatically start doing that all on January 1st and be able to maintain it. So by February such resolutions are abandoned. The better way to go about it is set the bar lower, or break the resolution into steps. Such as start working out once a week, then slowly increase, cut down on smoking in steps or cutting out a certain sweet, then another and then another. Of course, that takes patience and people like immediate results. But even the tiniest baby step forward is still a step forward. Gotta crawl before you walk and you have to master walking in order to make great strides.


That being said, here are my grand goals for 2010. I'm not going to list all of my steps though. They're in no particular order.

1. Continue improving on controlling my emotional extremes. I'd like to be a little more stoic and not let so much little shit get to me. Under this topic, I will work on walking away from situations and people that are emotionally toxic to me. Sometimes, my loyalty is a severe fault.

2. Train for a marathon. I know I was aiming to run one in 2010, and I might still. However, I have set the bar at being ready for a marathon at the end of next year.

3. Work on upper body strength. I've started on this and I would like to continue it. My leg strength is surreal, so I'd like to balance out.

4. Take 2 vacations to somewhere I've never been. Just a being more worldly person.

5. Eat 10 things I've never eaten before and they must be from other cultures. Another worldly kind of goal.

6. Do well in school. Well, continue doing well. :)

7. Make 4 new friends.

8. Write 3 chapters of a fantasy story. This is part of an overall goal to work on my writing weaknesses, but this is where I'm starting.

Not really a resolution, but maintain all progress I've made during 2009. That's kind of implied since I can't do 2010s resolutions without the progress of 2009. :)

Tomorrow is a b-ball game, Lobos versus Dayton. What an awesome way to kick off the year! :P I'll be at the Pit screaming my pretty little head off. I have so much damn fun at the basketball games, it's really a great time.

I'm staying home tonight. I really don't want to go a party where people are drinking heavily. For whatever reason, people drink themselves retarded on New Year's. I'm also terrified of drunk drivers in my little del sol. Besides, when the New Year starts, I kinda just wanna be lost in my thoughts of was 2009 was to me, and what 2010 will be.

I hope everyone is safe tonight and be careful of drunk drivers. I wish everyone a fantastic New Year's. Even those who I'd like to beat silly. I really do mean everyone. :)

~A.