You should see all the unposted posts I have sitting around. Yeesh. Totally being lazy about a song but I'm hungry and it's almost dinner time so you're gonna have to deal.
Let's get the basketball talk out of the way. :P New rankings came out, we went from 19th on both polls to 13th on the AP and 12th on the coaches. I think we've gotten everyone's attention. Game on Wed. @ Oral Roberts in Tulsa, OK. They're tough to challenge on their own court, but they've got a few out due to injuries, I think they'll only have 7 or 8 who suit up. Mathematically, we should win, but if we have another night where we only make 29% of our shots like we did Saturday, we're in trouble and might rack up our first loss. They won't have the Pit to rally them to victory or me to taunt the other team. :P Totally proud of myself for putting my statistics and math knowledge to a use that's relevant to my interests. I'm actually using something learned in college! Holy crap! :P I went back and used my method on previous games, removing the stats from games we hadn't played yet to lessen bias, and I was within 3-4 on both teams every time. Went and double checked this on a team that had losses to see if it predicts a loss, and same results. I'm so nerd sometimes.
So, I have my grades, but UNM has yet to update my transcript, of course. This is only any sort of importance because I'm applying as a transfer for next fall. The deadlines are in March though, so UNM has time to screw stuff up some more, as they do. Everything else is done, really. Applications are fully completed, I have all my other transcripts ready to be sent out, official test scores, essays are written and I've finalized them, basically where they are is where they're staying, barring any punctuation or grammar errors. I was going to send them out ASAP after I got my grades updated from UNM, but I think I'm going to hold off until February. As long as I have the application, I can't stress myself out wondering what they think of me because they won't have my app yet. :P
So I'm applying as a junior transfer, and as of the end of the Fall 09 semester I am now officially a junior in college. :P Getting there! Pretty nervous about the whole college app thing, that whole waiting game to hear whether you're good enough or not is gonna mess with me. I overthink things, so I'll get myself all worked up over nothing. I just need to remember to be flexible with my plans and my goals. Doesn't matter how you get there as long as you get there. A college telling me no won't be the end of my life or anything. I may ACT like it is for a couple of days, but at that point it's time to put one of my other plans into action and not miss a step. Stopping, stumbling and going backwards are NOT options.
I got my textbooks over a month early and I've started reading through them, checking what I know on end of the chapter questions and such. I'm basically studying for classes that haven't started yet. Very nerd of me, but there's a reason I'm an academic badass. I don't mess around.
I've noticed, and so have others, my "inexplicable" moodiness has really dissipated over the past couple of months. I'm pretty upbeat most of the time now, though I have some moments like anyone else. They're just not chronic like they were previously. I can think myself out of a funk about as easily as I think myself into one. Sometimes though, I just like being in a funk.
Having Jess here is a blast. We have hours long conversations, play video games, watch movies, I'll just go hang out in his room and chat while he's shooting bad guys or whatever online. He has a 30 inch flat screen monitor, and it's just ridiculous. We'll talk tech, talk Droids (we're both addicted to ours), talk shit, talk anything, really. We even text each other now, something we'd NEVER DONE before. It's awesome.
We were really close when we were kids, and we're back that way now. When we were kids, I protected him. Now that we're "adults", he's really protective of me. REALLY protective. Like he can sense when I'm upset and keeping it hidden. So he'll get in my face and demand to know what's up. Then he'll lay things out for me and help me see things aren't so bad, and in fact they might even be better than before. He's really helped me through some bullshit lately. If anyone can knock some sense into me, it's him. He says I'm the smart one. I think we're pretty equally matched, and THAT is super important. Other people might think our ideas are insane, but between me and him they are the best ideas ever. Of course, I think that mindset is what got us into trouble as kids. :P (I'm pretty sure it is, actually.)
The pace of my life has really slowed down lately, the semester ending, Cy being with my dad in Oklahoma...you'd think I'd appreciate it. In some ways I do, because the stress was taking heavy tolls on me, but at the same time, I feel kinda lost. What the hell is this downtime bullshit? So I keep myself busy with different things, basketball and figuring out stats plus going to the games, reading my books for next semester to see if there's something I need to maybe review before classes start, I went running today for the first time in awhile and I started some new songs on my guitar, I write in my notebooks, I write here, I occasionally go on dates...I'm just trying to immerse myself more in the world and people around me, plus encourage the talents and skills I know I have. I get to really explore my world and things that maybe I missed out on or that I let slide by me. Every day is a new adventure and something new to learn. Things I'd previously dismissed for some dumb reason or another, most likely bad habits from years ago, are now fun and interesting. I'd never been big into movies, but my bro kinda won't let me have a choice. He'll ask me if I've seen some movie that's on or coming on, most likely the answer is no. So he'll say "It sucks and it's terrible, so sit down and watch it with me". We have a great time watching these stupid movies that really do suck and are terrible. We have fun pointing out the ridiculousness in them though. Sometimes Jess will either recommend or we'll watch a movie he thinks is something I'd get into, and he's been dead on every time. We walk around quoting bad movie lines to each other. Or bad song lyrics. He pushes me to step outside of my preconceived boundaries and just shut up and try it. To quote him: "It's about time you joined civilization". Yeah, no shit, Jess, no shit.
So my brother does not currently have a car as he donated his old one since he didn't need it in Boulder and it was not worth fixing. So I drive him around. This is fucking hilarious watching him get into my tiny car. He fits though, and it's not TOO bad. It's still funny as hell. It's called "Driving Miss Daisy in a clown car". That's
pretty dead on accurate, really.
With every new thing I do, from movies to music to basketball games, the world gets a little less scary to me and a little more familiar. It also makes my world a bit bigger. I was super hesitant for a while, and with every completely new thing I still balk a little. But since all the other times I've just jumped in have gone so well, I think that this new one will too. And it does. I'm becoming exceptionally fearless, I have nothing to fear from the world.
But I damn sure guarantee it has something to fear from me.
~A.
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~A.
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