The email address associated with the other url for my blog is one that I don't use anymore. So, I moved my blog over to one that I use a lot. However, I thought I could just change the url there to something else then use it here so no one was the wiser, BUT apparently I can't. So, that's the story behind the url change. Excuse the confusion.
The dark layout with the leaves at the top or whatever, I chose it basically on name alone, it's called Chaotic Soul. Thought it was appropriate considering the name of the blog, my name, etc. I'm considering changing it to something a little less depressing. We'll see if I find a layout I like.
I've been REALLY erratic with posting here and tweeting, and I've been so busy it's the last thing on my mind. Though, I've now linked this blog to my phone, so I can post a blog from anywhere, even with pics! That should increase the frequency somewhat, especially those long stretches I have where I have to be somewhere, but I'm not doing anything. I'm trying for AT LEAST weekly, possibly on Saturdays. We'll see, I'll put reminders in Sunbird so it can complain at me that I need to go post. :P
So, much to my surprise, I've managed to almost use up all of the 160 gigs on my laptop. Some of you know that is the first time I've EVER gotten close to having that much stuff, I just never filled up a hard drive. That changed with Warren getting me to download and watch movies. Luckily, I have this pack of 100 DVDs laying around I've never opened, so I can go burn them and clear off some of my hard drive. I'm still amazing I managed to get that much stuff! I should get an external drive, I guess. Or a new laptop with a bigger hard drive, mine is now out of warranty, and god knows I've had nothing but issues with it.
More importantly is a new fucking cell phone. my EIGHTH replacement in TWO years is currently being shipped to me. I love the phone, it's EVERYTHING I want. Just keep getting shit refurbs, apparently these things don't refurb well. AT ALL.
I was eying a phone known as the BL40 from LG (go look it up if you're curious) BUT god damn verizon decided to be like, well the focus groups didn't like it, let's put out a really shitty version under the same name. The LG VX8575 is that shitty version. Compare that to the BL40 (seriously, go google it already) and that's just depressing. They also canned releasing what would have been the new version of what I have now, the Q9M. The two phones my little heart was so set on, that would release me from this constant phone replacement hell, well, they do not exist, and I'm kinda heartbroken.
So, I went looking around for something coming out that fit me and my personality. The closest I've gotten is the Motorola Sholes, and it runs Android! Android is this awesome OS for cell phones, and it beats Verizon's crap OS and Windows Mobile. There are phones coming out that are way more hyped than this one, but I was never in with the majority anyways. It has touch screen AND a keyboard, which makes me happy. I was kinda concerned going to a full touch phone simply because it's easier for me to actually have buttons. I'm also the most uncoordinated person ever (remember the broken arm?) so I know I'd have issues with the thing, I was testing some touch phone at the store a while back, and it was just damn hard with a full touch screen. I'm sure like anything else you adapt, but it'd still be annoying while learning and screwing up A LOT.
Speaking of learning something new, I've now learned how to drive a manual transmission! And quite well, I'll have you know. So I cruise around in my little sports car with the top off and the windows open. I LOVE my car. It's so very much me. Convertible, sporty, cute, and blue! Plus I get about 38-40 mpg IN TOWN. It's so much fun to drive, driving a manual transmission means you basically have to be a part of the car. Not like an automatic where you can hop in, drive, and zone out. You've got to be more aware in manual, do I need to downshift? upshift? That light up ahead, is it going to change on me? What's the asshole in front of me doing? You get the idea. You are part of the machine, and it's a really cool feeling. A very different, but WAY more fun, driving experience.
Frankly, I think every car should be a manual so we don't have these assholes TEXTING while driving. These idiots spacing out while driving and texting, ugh. Now, my car is small and low to the ground, REALLY low to the ground. I've almost been ran over a few times cause some asshole was texting. And it's not like a quick "on my way home" or something of that sort, these dipshits are having full conversations over text while driving. UGH.
I'm taking Tai Chi this first 8 weeks, and I really wanted to take it for the second 8 weeks, but my research position is kind of more important. I don't even know if I can take it in the Spring, simply because of just how much I need to take to get to where I want to be before I leave UNM. But Tai Chi has been my sanity saver, and I may just do it on my own if I can't take the class.
So, I'm about to start week 6 of the semester, at the end of the 8 weeks my Abnormal Behavior psych class and the Tai Chi class end, which is kinda nice, definitely a load off. I have a Tai Chi final! Gotta memorize the first section of the form! So much for it being a slack off class. :P Two less classes to worry about and attend, especially during THE finals week in December. Oh man, I remember Spring finals, I was a wreck. Of course, it was my first semester, this semester I've definitely learned a lot and really manage my time and sanity well. I stay busy, but rarely overwhelmed. Next Spring is gonna be a doozy and a half. I have class series I need to finish so I maintain consistency, instead of the first class being at one school, and the second at another, and they may have covered stuff we didn't. I think it won't be SO bad though. I'll have to see how my schedule shapes up. The awesome thing about being in University Honors is getting to enroll first. :P Well, us and the grad students, but they're not generally taking undergrad classes. So I will get EVERY class I want, when I want it. :)
I know I've made it very clear I want to leave UNM. UNM spoils me though, but it's not where I need to be. I'm kinda coasting through, not really challenged. I have everything in ABQ, people I know, friends I've made, I know the city backwards and forwards, family, UNM is paying ALL of my books and tuition, I'm under 3 different Honors, about to be 4, I get to ride the bus to school for free so I minimize wear and tear on my car and save gas (it also is like riding the bus to school when I was a kid, and as dorky as it sounds, I like that a lot), there's my research position, I'm an officer of the pre-med student org....and I want to walk away from all of it.
No one really understands why I'd want to leave all that behind and basically start over elsewhere. I explain it, but I'm pretty sure not a damn soul gets it. But I'm saying it again. I have everything BUT the educational quality/challenge I want, hell, crave. I also do not want to go to UNM's med school. I NEED more. I've wasted enough of my life and time trying to get my shit together, and I've had some hard fights. I just can't waste any more of my potential, and I can't turn my back on my dreams, my desires, what I want to be and what I want to give to the world. I'm doing what I probably should of done sooner, but at the same time the life experiences, the struggles, the friends and enemies, all of that gives me a very healthy and mature perspective. I came to ABQ for a reason, to help my mom after her car accident. But my brother is moving back this winter, and my mom no longer needs my assistance for the day to day. This isn't my fate, and this isn't where I can give my most. Were this earlier in my life (and I had my path clear like I do now), would I have considered UNM? Most likely not. I would of aimed for academic challenges, quality education, even taking into consideration my graduate school desires into where I go. That's what I'm doing NOW. I've parsed through so many school reviews from faculty, students, outside sources, community reviews, graduation rates, average GPAs, quality of the program in my major, diversity percentages, etc. to find what I want and make sure that it is a good fit for me. I don't expect everyone or anyone to understand, but know that I am doing what is best in the long run, and this is not some hasty decision.
It's not an EASY decision either. Leaving everything I have here, going somewhere where I most likely won't know anyone, I'd be on my own, a new school, new procedures, new city, new EVERYTHING. It's scary for me, not gonna lie. Really scary. I can't live based on fear though. I have no reason to worry. I got this.
I wonder if I can put a music player on my blog. I want to keep my theme song here. For those of you that have it, it's Van Hunt - Hidden Charm. I get kind of teary eyed when I listen to it. There's a version of him playing it live on youtube, but it's not the whole song. I've seen him live, and he's is just an amazing musician. It's on his myspace though in his music player: http://www.myspace.com/vanhunt - just in case you don't have it or are away from your mp3s/CD. :)
There's a line that strikes me in a really strong way. "And leave your fear behind, make the great escape".
My audience is waiting.
~A.
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~A.
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