Primordial Chaos

 Song by Kanye West. You'll see why I chose it.

Argh, never going to go through the post drafts I have when new stuff keeps coming up. Will do that after this post, delete what's been said, use what hasn't, get the 3 dozen drafts cleared up from my dashboard.

First off, all of my friends are guys. All of them. There's only 2 female family members I can get along with, my mom and Celeste, my belle-mere (step-mom). I can't stand the rest of the female family members. Yes, this includes my cousins. We live in two different worlds, and I don't like theirs at all. They're pretty "girly". I'm pretty "badass". :P At the grocery store with my mom recently, these two teenage girls came  running down the aisle squealing and giggling. My mom looked at me and said "We really lucked out on you not being one of THOSE girls". I'm pretty guy-ish in my way and preferences, but do not LOOK very guy-ish thankfully. I like beer, cars, basketball, love to grill and will grill about anything (I've grilled ramen noodles, don't ask why), my standard uniform is jeans, Converse and a t-shirt, I don't wear makeup, I don't obsess over fashion, I don't read crap like Cosmo magazine, can't stand Oprah, like my hair short so I don't have to mess with it...just completely outside the realm of other females my age. Since guys tend to have more in common with me, all of my friends are guys. However, I do wind up hanging around their girlfriends sometimes when we all go out as a group, but they are not my friends. One in particular, who this story is about, once stood on a table and declared war on me. She is REALLY threatened by me. But she got hers yesterday on Christmas.

C, the girl, is dating my friend P. Well, was. She was very clingy and needy, whined about everything, when we'd democratically vote to see a movie or do something as a group, she ALWAYS threw a fit when she didn't get her way. This girl was a princess in a bad way. Me and P would walk to a class together since our previous classes were next door to each other, and we were both in the same class we're headed to. C flipped her shit the first time she saw this and from then on HAD to hold P's hand and walk with us. She was always interrupting conversations to talk about herself or one of her friends who had some issue or another...crap we didn't care about. She could not just listen when someone else was talking. Would come up to us bitching about P when he wasn't around, and very obviously stretching her story of the horrible thing P did. Eyes HAD to be on her. All of us, but P, hated her.

A quick note about P, you can't anger or upset the guy. He keeps his cool like he's a damn freezer. In all kinds of situations, even day to day with C and many hours more than the rest of us had to deal with her, he never aggravated. One night C opened her mouth to some guy hitting on her at a party, and P wound up in a brawl with this other guy who strongly resembled a linebacker. Dude was all up in his face yelling, saying pretty nasty stuff about C (who cares), saying shit about P and P stood there quietly, no expression, nothing. He wasn't going to give that guy a reaction. The guy got louder and started saying nastier stuff but in the middle of his latest insult P threw a haymaker and KO'ed this guy. It was pretty ninja, we all thought he was just going to stand there and take the abuse. Like I said, dude keeps his cool but handles business and probably needed to with C around.

C and P had been together for 3 years or so, and I guess when they first started dating and for a while after she wasn't like that per what P and a mutual friend told me. She was cool, secure, let P have his guy time, didn't just randomly have to talk about herself and interrupt the group...she was much different. However about 2 years into the relationship she got weird. It started when she started hinting at marriage, and P was not hearing any of it. Told her he is not at a place in his life where he feels that is a good decision. She took it pretty cool when he said it, but ever after she started the princess bullshit.

So, P asked me to help pick out her gift since I'm a technically a girl and can think of shit girls would like. Apparently my first choices of a muzzle, a chloroform soaked rag or a one way ticket to anywhere but here weren't what he was looking for. :P He knew me and females don't mix and figured that was why I couldn't stand her. I couldn't stand her cause she was a bitch. Anyways, she has a thing for charm bracelets, so he got her a NICE gold one and P picked out white gold charms that represented things he and C had done together. Like a beach ball when they went to Hawaii, a book for the book store where he met her, that kind of thing. (My idea, I was pretty sure girls like sentimental crap like that. :P) P dropped a very nice amount of money on it and we spent 4 HOURS all over town to find just the right charms, and he was pretty excited to give it to her on Christmas. He felt she would love something so thoughtful and meaningful and it would show how much he loved her. I felt like I was gonna be sick.

P called me Christmas evening. I didn't realize it was him at first because the number was different and HE WAS FUMING MAD. I knew shit was serious if he'd lost his cool. He wanted to talk to me about what happened. I had a good sense of who it involved, but didn't know just how she managed to push P over his edge.

So she came over to his apartment Christmas evening after spending the day with her family. He'd made a nice dinner (my idea) with candles (my idea) and a CD of her fav songs playing in the background (also my god damn idea). Things were going well, he gave her the roses he bought her (not my idea unless he was gonna smack her with them) and she was all giggly and so touched at how sweet and thoughtful he was. (barf) They exchange gifts, he opens his first...it's $300 dollar gift card to a Linens N Things type of shop. P is not a Linens N Things type of guy, so he was confused. She said that way he could get "some NICE sheets and curtains and decorations" he may not have before she moves in with him. P had said nothing about her moving in. He tried to rationalize it as she's being so presumptive because she really loves him and she just wants to always have him in her life. So he pulls out the jewelry box you get when you buy jewelry and she starts flipping out screaming, saying oh my god over and over...she thinks he's gonna propose. As he is telling me this, I can hear the anger start to rise again in his voice...and I knew something awesome just happened.

So he waits for her to chill out a bit so he doesn't have to yell and says calm down, just open it. She still thinks it's a ring...but then taadaa, it's the bracelet he put so much thought and effort into. As P said to me and he said it best: "she basically scowled at it like it was a dead bird stuffed with dogshit". There's a few seconds of really uncomfortable silence and she finally says "this isn't a ring". P was like no it isn't, but I knew you liked charm bracelets and he explains the meaning behind each one. She is still scowling in the shit-stuffed dead bird kind of way, and she says "well that's nice, I guess...do you have the receipt so I can take it back and buy myself a ring instead? You can help me pick a ring out that way we can pretend like you got my gift right the first time".

P spent 4 hours with a surly me constantly saying "there's still time to go get that muzzle". We went to 6 different stores to find the charms he'd decided on. He'd spent over 700 bucks on the bracelet total. A lot of effort was put into making Christmas special for her, and she pulled THAT. So it had to happen sometime, and P lost his cool. Completely lost his cool.

He takes the bracelet out of her hands, says "I've had enough of this shit, I want you to leave". Now she's floored and is trying to apologize, she didn't mean for it to sound bad. Note she is not sorry she said it, she's sorry he took it the wrong way. P just yells leave, and she apparently still doesn't think he means serious business. P yelling is like the Pope saying the word "fuck" in a sermon for mass, it just doesn't happen. He tosses the bracelet on the table, grabs her gift card and hands it back to her. Tells her to leave. She's crying and going on about how could he do this to her on Christmas, he ruined her Christmas, so on and so forth. He pushing her towards the door completely ignoring it all. She does go out the door of her own will finally, and she said she'd call him tomorrow to work things out. P tells her straight up he does not want to see her again, ever. Their relationship is over, and he hopes she finds what she is looking for but she proved in no uncertain terms it's not him. She stammers something about how he is dumping her on Christmas, heartless bastard, she loved him so much, how could he dump her on Christmas...he says "best damn gift I ever gave myself" and shuts the door. She starts banging on the door screaming and crying, and apparently one of the neighbors called the cops on her. The cops showed up and asked what was going on and basically told her to leave and she does in a hysterical hurry. She called him over and over for an hour, he changed his number, had her emails go directly to the trash as spam, threw the pictures of her and him and her in the fireplace, he completely shut her out of his life in every way.  I was right, something awesome had happened. It was my turn to be giggly with glee.

I'm listening to this story being told to me, and I can't believe it at first. One that P lost his cool and two that she was such a bitch about the gifts. Remember what I said about girlfriends being the worst about demanding expensive gifts at Christmas? Prime fucking example. He starts ranting and venting, and I just listen, though I have to mute my phone sometimes cause some of the things he said about her were so offensive they had me laughing. He finishes venting and ask me if I've got anything to add. I just start fucking laughing for a bit. I tell him finally you got rid of her we all hated her, and it made my day knowing she shot herself in the foot on that one, that she finally crossed the line. Told him the whole group we hang out with was wondering where that damn line is, because not one of us would have taken that shit for so long. I start laughing again, and he laughs with me. I mention that I was fucking stunned he lost his cool. He said yeah, she went too far but it felt good to finally unload on her and about her. He feels free now, not like his world is limited to what she thinks he can have in his world. I just say congratulations, welcome to being a bachelor. He laughs, thanks me for listening, reminds me to update his cell number in my contact info, we chat a little more about school shit then get off the phone.

I immediately send the text out P dumped the bitch and his new #. I get a few "What? No shit?" type of texts and apparently they go and text or IM him. I get a text saying he sees he I got the word out and they're calling him clapping and cheering. Out of the 9 people in our little group, 2 were single before, but the rest of us have ALL become single in the past 3 months. We've decided we all suck at choosing people we get involved with. But at the same time we're all supporting each other and it's bonded the group a little tighter. I got a text from one of the guys in the group, H, saying "We don't need those bitches! We're a group of men and an Aeris!". Not labeled as male or female, but just me as a whole under my own classification. Still part of the group though, and that's pretty cool.

Always in a category of my own, aren't I? There's no real categorizing me, for one reason or another I don't exactly fit. I like that. It's complicated. I'm complicated. People aren't quite sure where to classify me under any criteria, I don't fit the standard molds.

I realized that just because I don't fit in any of the easy classification rules people use to define people, doesn't mean I don't fit with people at all.

It just makes me one hell of a fascinating experience.

~A.

I like to start the new year organized and clear, or as much so as possible. So, while purging files, music, text logs and otherwise, on my laptop that I now have no desire for and do not enjoy, I realized something. I've mentioned the name of my car before, but due to where it came from it's getting changed as of, oh, right now.

Besides, the new name is exceptionally appropriate for a lot of reasons. I'll let you think about what they are. Anyways, my del awesome is now called:

Blueshift. I'm tempted to get a custom plate of the new centennial plates coming out in January...BLUSHFT. Or not, but I do want one of the new plates because they're not the horrid yellow that screams I'M FROM NEW MEXICO.

As one of my friends just IM'ed me:

Blueshift: Because I'm coming right fucking at ya!

Well said Spud, well said.

~A.