Primordial Chaos

I'm willing to bet a few of you are surprised this hasn't been a title sooner. Cosmic Girl by Jamiroquai, of course. I used to listen to this song so obsessively Cosmic Girl or CG became my nickname. It's still a theme song of mine of sorts.

It's a cold and rainy/snowy day here, and I really hate this kind of weather. First of all it's depressing, second I can't take the top  off the del Sol, third I HATE being cold. Winter sucks so bad, ugh. I'm so hoping we get very little snow. Driving around on snow and ice in my little car? Yeah, that sounds like a very not fun time. At least I learned to drive it before winter. Trying to learn to drive a stick on hills and snow/ice? Holy shit.

My cousin is getting married today, and I would have liked to attend, but school and research got in the way. However, it got me thinking about marriage and love and examining my ideas on it all. Now, I'm not jaded or bitter on love, despite my current situation. Marriage though...yeah. I completely understand how it is something that others can appreciate, and I can say there are many people to whom it is suited for. I'm not trying to come down on anyone or their preferences. Perhaps it is the combination of my opinions and perspectives, but I don't personally understand what the fuck is that shit about. It's fucked up spouses get certain rights that long term partners don't. There's also that whole wedding...thing. Listen, I'm not a pomp and circumstance kind of person. Formal dress doesn't really suit me either. That whole dad giving the bride away thing is weird too. It's a creepy "here she's your problem now" type of gesture. Why do I need to throw an expensive party that takes months of planning and stresses everyone out to commit to someone?

I've asked a few people why have a wedding just to get some other opinions. The most common answer was it's tradition. This is just me, but because a bunch of people did something before me means I should do it? Yeah, that's not gonna fly in my sky. (Hmm, I like that fly in my sky part, song idea in progress) I'm completely for and could see myself in a long term, VERY long term relationship. I can't see myself getting married. That could change, I'm very dynamic, but I've held this view for quite some time, and I'm not really seeing anything to sway things away from that. I don't know if because it's such a social idea/event that the meaning is lost on me. I suck at social comprehension, so that could definitely be a factor, and I'll concede that. BUT STILL. It's a weird idea.

Yes, I am aware you can get married at the courthouse or where ever without a ceremony, and that mostly I've made more of an argument against weddings instead of marriage. I'm getting there. ;)

So, first I need a license to get married and the county/state/whatever has to have a record of such a thing. Um, what the hell is the point? Besides getting spammed by all kinds of businesses who now know you're newlyweds because it's a public record. They also use it to make sure you're not married to more than one person. If it's two or more consenting adults who agree to such a set up, who the hell cares? The idea of having to legally announce my commitment to someone is really fucking weird too. The ring thing, ugh. It's basically saying "I'm someone's property". Marriage is also based on a social standard and norm that don't even exist anymore. Women are no longer property a father trades to some guy so he can breed with her. Oh and he has to pay the guy to take her. That's what marriage is based on. Barring the legal rights a spouse gets that partners don't, there's no need for marriage. You can even get around the legal rights part by having a well written and exceptionally clear will. On another point, as a spouse, if your spouse gets into trouble, you're going to have a hell of time distancing yourself and maintaining innocence. You're legally bound as a unit, to the point where you can even be responsible for bills your spouse ditched on.

I'll say this again, I'm not against marriage, for some people the reasons I'm not personally a fan are exactly why they are. I'm not out to get rid of marriage. But it doesn't make any fucking sense to me. I see no logic in it. I'm a very systematic excessively literal and logical person.

Now, to tread on more controversial waters, there's another aspect of marriage or any romantic relationship that society seems to be REALLY obsessed with to the point of ridiculousness:

Monogamy. I get the idea that society reinforces monogamy over child rearing and such, but....it's fucking unreasonable. Can some people do it? Sure. Always exceptions. Should this be the rule? HELL NO. I'm very strictly speaking physical/sexual monogamy. This is one of the most illogical social norms EVER. We're animals, people. Top of the food chain, but still animals. There is only ONE creature that is TRULY monogamous as a rule. Tapeworms. Surely we're more sophisticated than tapeworms. Though some people give me reason to doubt that...

Personally, I think humans are very very capable of emotional monogamy for life. I think physical monogamy is not. It shouldn't be. However, there should be some restrictions to this. 1) Reproductive sex with your mate ONLY. This isn't a license to go knocking up any female that looks at you right. You have a primary mate for a reason. 2) You need to make sure you and your mate are on the same page, no sneaking around. That shit is dishonest, and I have a real peeve about dishonesty in relationships. 3) Safe sex. Duh. 4) FAMILY FIRST. 5) Any other restrictions mutually agreed upon by you and your mate.

If I were in a relationship, I'd be pissed off if my mate started emotionally neglecting me or ignoring me. Having sex with someone else? As long as you're not sneaking around and upfront, I don't give a shit. I know it's not a statement about my personal attractiveness or the love my mate feels for me. You have to emotionally "come home" to your mate. Seeing other people naked is fun, but your heart should be with your mate always. As long I have emotional security, I'll be happy. I know I'm dancing all over the FAR edge of society on this, but jesus christ, logic. Use it.

Women especially seem to think if a guy taps an ass other than her's, it means she's unattractive or he doesn't love her anymore. This brings up a couple of things. 1) You are fucking DELUSIONAL if you think you are the only person your mate will or does find attractive. 2) Stop equating sex with love.

I think #1 explains itself. Your mate isn't the only person you find attractive, how can you double standard that shit. You are not god's gift to your mate, where you are everything your mate could ever want or need. What you are is the closest they'll get and you are emotionally supportive and compatible with them. It goes both ways. Your mate isn't the be all end all of attractiveness, and hell, sometimes they can be REALLY unattractive. It's normal. Not the end of the world. It's vain and narcissistic for you to expect that you're the end all be all.

#2 is a known fact up until you get into a relationship. One night stands, fuckbuddies, casually seeing and sexing people, when you're single you don't question that sex is most definitely not equal to love. What fucking changes when you get into a relationship? (hint: NOTHING) For some reason, especially with women, it is beat into their minds that sex means love in a relationship. Sexing someone else MUST mean he doesn't love you anymore. Now, this CAN be the case, but for the vast majority of the time, nope. He views you as a complete person, a human being, his partner. The other girl, he sees her as an object he can play with, a toy. (For reasons of brevity, I'm not going into every combination of people that can form a relationship.)

To me, there's a serious problem when the humping someone else comes with them being emotionally distant/unavailable. That's not acceptable. You need to either work on your primary relationship or leave it, whatever is appropriate for what's going on. Take care of home base first.

That turned into a much longer tirade than I thought it would, heh. But it's one of those topics people don't seem to question or analyze. Except me. I question and analyze everything. And I like the logical perspective of things.

I also like taking controversial positions. Which tends to also be the logical position. Go figure.


~A.

You'll notice on the right side a new feature added to my blog, basically, my phone reports where the hell I am and it gets posted here. I don't go anywhere without my phone, so you can be very confident that's where I am. This includes on campus/in class, when I'm out running, when I'm running errands, etc. Completely fucking useless, but I think it's really neat. Plus it shows off my phone and all of its awesomeness.

God I love this damn phone.

~A.