Primordial Chaos

So as a matter of experimentation, I decided to let Ryan post here and talk about me and his experience with me. This blog is about me, but I'm more dynamic than my point of view tends to reveal so I figured I'd add a new perspective. I'll comment on his post in a bit. I decided to add an even different perspective, the view of one of my guy friends who isn't romantically involved with me and never has been. I decided I'd bring P as another guest poster to tell stories about me and what his experience with me is like. I'd type out his first name, but he came to be called P because his first name is fucking complicated. When I first met him I refused to even bother with his name and told him I'm going to call him P. He didn't like it at first, but it caught on among our friends and now even he calls himself P. So he'll post as P. (Or Pee, if I feel mischievous :P) As I've stated before, my goal is to really explore my world and who I am. I learned a hard lesson that I learn more about me through other people, and no amount of introspection will ever capture the dynamic of who I am. My strengths and flaws are triggered by others, and maybe only even seen by others if my blinders are on. That's really my motivation for having others come post about me, to show other aspects of me and to see other aspects of me. There might be a slight bit of ego in all of that too.

Ryan's post. I completely gave him free reign to say whatever he wanted about his experience with me and I did not and will not edit his post. He said WAY more than I thought he would, and he has picked up on little things about me I didn't realize he could see. The adorable crap I do part really had me blushing. I kinda wish I hadn't given him such a free reign because of that. BUT, it's a part of me others don't see, even amongst my friends. Simply because it is a very different perspective of me does it make it slightly less embarrassing. SLIGHTLY.

He's just as verbose writing as he is talking, apparently. He writes damn near exactly how he talks. (I write because I don't talk :P) That whole going to the next topic through association with the previous one is something we both do really well and we can play it off of each other for these long and amazing conversations.

I really can't believe he posted about me going over to his place. That was another part I REALLY wanted to wipe. :P But it was so damn sweet I couldn't. Especially him saying he was going to go kiss me then hold me close while we both slept. We woke up this morning and just laid in bed talking for hours. I read his post on my Droid and I was just stunned. I started crying, and he, true to everything else I know about him, just held me close and kept wiping away tears with a tissue. I went and re-read it later, and couldn't help but laugh at the part where he said this doesn't go where you think it does. I'm passed out from alcohol and he's carrying me to a bed, it sounds like the set up for something bad to happen. But he just wanted to let me sleep and was a gentleman about it, and that's why I'm so damn into him. Also on that note, two adults can share intimacy far beyond imagination without dropping their pants. Words bond people together, and I like that. They also can tear two people apart, which sucks. I only ever dropped my pants last night to go to the bathroom, thank you very much. Someone call an ambulance, cause I'm pretty sure my dad is gonna have a heart attack reading that post. :P

So you're the reason all my songs seem to get quieter, Ryan. I was wondering what the hell that was about, I was pretty sure all the songs on that CD played at a similar volume. I thought I accidentally changed a speaker setting or something. Sneaky! I love it. :P Whenever you're riding with me, I'll turn it down so you can hear me sing. :) I just thought you fessing up to that was really sweet. 

All in all, I'm pretty amused and flattered at his post. It's kind of weird to have someone you're dating freely talk about you like that, but he really presented a side of me very few see. I like that. I also think he showed a little of his humor and a lot of his character too. I REALLY like that. Saying I can belch like an airhorn, not so much like there. :P Though everyone told me that was the most apt description ever. I still like to PRETEND I'm classy. :P

I still can't believe he listed all the silly goofy shit I do. I remember thinking "oh my god, did he really post that" when I read it. I don't know how you can call me Badass when I do shit like that. Those aren't very badass, now are they? :P

I'm surprised he didn't tell the story of how Badass came to be his name for me. Back when we were just friends hanging out, I went to pick him up to go to a game. I always have my music loud in my car when it's just me, so I completely forgot he was gonna get blasted when I turned my car on. He got in, I turn on the car, and that N.E.R.D. song started playing and he gets hit with SHE'S BAD BAD BADASS a few times really loud. He joked about me making sure whoever rides in my car or by me knows I'm badass. Then he said I could turn it down when he's around cause he already knows I'm badass. Then he sang "You're bad bad badass" a couple of times. He started randomly singing that whenever he was with me just to show he hasn't forgotten I'm badass, and it then I started using it all the time to describe me. We were being goofy and he asked me "You're what?" and I sing "I'm bad bad badass". He then said "Nice to meet you badass, I'm Ryan. You should work on your stutter though". I really got a kick out of that, and Badass stuck as my pet name.

His post was just great, and he's just great. He's a wonderful person to have in my life.

Sometime soon you can expect to start seeing P posting too. That's going to be an interesting experience, since he doesn't have rose colored glasses like Ryan does.

I really like this idea of other people talking about their experiences with me. Glad I went with it. Will be more glad once the embarrassed feeling wears off. :P

~A.