Primordial Chaos

 Edit: This is my 100th post!

Ok, so all kinds of crap has happened I want to talk about, but I won't wall of text it and I'll break it up into different posts.

It snowed here today, and the city is a sheet of black ice, basically. The East mountains and even the east side of town on the other side from the mountains got slammed pretty hard, I-40 east bound was, and probably still is, closed. It's supposed to snow today (and it is right now for parts of the city) tonight, and tomorrow. So I don't think I'm going anywhere, at least not in my car. I'm not so worried about me, I can handle the weather. I can't handle idiots who drink and drive on ice, and I'm pretty sure that's not a show Disney is gonna put on either. It's so close to the holiday, and people ignore my car or can't see cause they're texting and driving, or they've been drinking, which is a huge problem here, I just don't think I'm gonna risk my ass. There's no where that important I need to go.

Ah, driving. I LOVE driving my car. I drove 9 hours or so (with a few hiccups in Amarillo) from Oklahoma, and you know the first thing I did when I got to town? Went for a drive along the river, drove by UNM (not that kind of drive by, but you can bet I think about it sometimes), then drove out to the volcanoes that make the west border of town, climbed to the top, and just sat looking out over the city. I was driving around town for an hour and a half AFTER the 9 hour drive. I love driving my car that much.

Despite popular opinion, or assumption, I am a fairly careful driver. I won't do more than 5 over. Coming from Oklahoma in the middle of nowhere where the speed limit is 75? You would have clocked me at 80 max. First, the ticket isn't worth the extra 10-15 miles I'd cover in an hour. (Assuming speeding by that much, of course.) Second, other people have kiddos too. I get freaked out when some jackass goes speeding by when I have Cy, I'm not going to be that jackass and that's because I sit on that side of the room, I know what it's like having those jackasses make you nervous. Also, I'm not just paying attention to what I'm doing, I've got to be aware of what some of these other drivers are doing too, because A LOT of them are distracted. Despite us having a law about using hands free in a car, most people here don't and they rarely stop people for it. Or they're eating, putting on make up, dog is jumping around the front seats, whatever. You're not gonna punish me and fuck up my car because you were being stupid. I have my bluetooth, dammit, they're not that hard to use. Handle your damn business before you get in the car or once you get to where you're going. Or even better, take the bus so you have that free time as you commute and get your stupid ass off the road. Anyways, before I go on a large tirade, my point is that I'm careful AND considerate. I let people in when they're trying to merge, 4-5 at a time when there's a lot of traffic and the merge lane is backing up, I slow down for crosswalks, I slow down by schools regardless of if the lights are flashing, I always pass on the left, even though I have my bluetooth, I pull over for calls...you get the point.

The only way I'm not considerate is if you are one of these dumbass drivers. If you cut me off and almost cause me to wreck, or start drifting into my lane because you're texting about something that I bet can wait, or drive behind me and hit me with your brights because my lights are too much for you even though they are EXTREMELY safer than standard lights (because they light up more area, obviously)...you just lost your free pass of me being considerate. If it's at night, you're getting the damn lights (I flash them once) to let you know hey you're being an asshole knock off whatever is distracting you. Of course, the lights get their attention instead of texting their latest boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever, and they pay more attention to driving because the lights SUCK to have in your mirror. When I was first learning to drive my car in a parking lot, I had a car pass behind me with the same lights and whoa. Though if the lights aren't in my mirror, they're kinda nice to have because you see so much more in front of you. But still. You can pull up to my car and yell at me but I yell back (and I will use words most other people won't). Assuming I can even hear your stupid ass over my loud rock music. Rock music being my driving music, of course. You can tailgate me and try to intimidate me, but if I brake tap you, and I will, you'll knock that off in a hella hurry. You can follow me to where ever I'm going to get out and come yell at me while I'm in my car. You better hope to hell I don't get out. Despite the small car, I'm 5'10" and built like a stallion and I am not afraid to defend myself from some asshole.

They're left with one recourse they like to try. Their brights (which don't come near mine) in my mirrors, this is popular with people irritated I'm doing 5 over in the middle lane...because I'm apparently going too slow for them. But I've got them there too. See, clever me remembered a basic feature of light, it reflects back at the same angle it hit the surface as. Calculating the average height of an SUV (at that point it covers both cars and most larger vehicles) I did a bit of mirror angling. You hit me with your lights, guess what you see? Three rather bright points corresponding with my rearview and side mirrors reflecting YOUR light into YOUR eyes. The beauty is I can still see out of my mirrors without seeing at your damn lights. It never fails, ever since I've done that, every person who has hit me with their brights has shut them off rather quickly and usually passes me. Which is dumb cause now they're in my lights, but whatever. You have to admit that's pretty fucking brilliant...almost as much as my headlights reflecting into your eyes. ;)

Holiday season drivers. Holy shit. I Tweeted about this, but I'm gonna rant some more. To the people that dress their cars like reindeer or put a wreath on the front to spread some christmas cheer...KNOCK IT OFF!!!! Get a window cling or something, but not only is it stupid and tacky, but apparently most people can't install them securely. Yesterday running errands I saw 5 different "antlers" on the road and a couple of noses. Then there was the incident where I'm on the highway and someone's wreath, THAT HAD GLASS ORNAMENTS ON IT, came off their car and slammed into my windshield. The popping noise of the ornaments, that and a giant wreath hitting my window, scared the hell out of me and could have caused an accident! Who the hell uses GLASS ORNAMENTS on a wreath for the front of their car? A rock could come up and shatter them, now you have jagged pieces of glass on the front of your car that you, your kids, you family, or someone trying to get by your shit parking job could get hurt on! (Jagged pieces of glass on the front of my car however looks more and more appealing the more I deal with this crap.) ARGH. To the tool around here who changed his horn to play 3 different xmas songs and drives around honking his horn all the time, YOU SUCK!

Now, granted I feel that Christmas has lost it's meaning. I don't mean that in a baby Jesus kind of way (because I don't believe in baby Jesus other than to use his name as the occasional curse), I mean as a time for family and friends to come together. What it is about now is buying the latest greatest (and generally most expensive) toy, tool, car, designer dress, TV, laptop, iPod, cell phone or whatever for the people you love. I'm NOT saying I'm against gift giving, what I'm saying is the reason most people give gifts is out of a feeling of obligation and social pressure. People have an over-hyped sense of entitlement for those around them to give them fantastic gifts. After listening to my guy friends bitch for the past month, apparently most girlfriends are the WORST about this, the only time they get even more insane about gifts is Valentine's Day. Which also has WAY lost it's meaning but that's another rant.

I see all this commercialized bullshit created to feed our capitalist but misguided consumer culture. Have to send out xmas cards, have to get the latest greatest. How many commercials have you seen where someone gets an expensive gift and they subtly (or not) imply that if you REALLY love that person, you'd buy them this. Jewelry and cars are probably the worst offenders, but I'll point back to that most girlfriends comment above. What the hell is that about? Oh, and parents getting into fights over the latest toy that's sold out for miles but this store has a few and they're fist fighting over it. Hell, people shopping at the grocery store are rude as hell. I had some lady hit me with her cart to get me to move so she could get to the apples too. Because, you know, she couldn't go on the other side of me where there was much more room and she wasn't blocking off traffic with her cart. This time of year makes people stupid or something.

Speaking of stupid, and this is my biggest gripe with the xmas season, is just how drastically the number of drunk drivers on the roads increase. It gets snowy and icy this time of year, people are already being assholes about everything and cutting people off or otherwise driving poorly, and you add drunk drivers to the mix? Holy shit. New Mexico is bad enough about large amounts of drunk drivers, but even more? Geez. Even worse is NM lets these people back on the road...you'll hear about people getting their 10th, 15th or even 20th DUI! Because, you know, that's not signaling a pattern of habit or anything. One of New Mexico's largest sources of revenue, besides yummy green chili peppers, is from fines and bonds they collect from DUIs. So these people get released, and the laws are set up that way so they get released over and over. ARGH. Kinda trading people's lives and safety for money there...

Listen, sometimes holidays around my family make me wanna drink too. (Playfully kidding.) But to drink and drive...I lost someone very very close to me early last year to a drunk driver. That asshole took from me someone I can't replace and miss every single day. He was part of my inner circle, my closest of friends...

I have no tolerance for such behavior. Zero. If you need help with your drinking, get help. When there is the risk of such a poor and potentially tragic decision if you don't get help or get a designated driver, you need to stop and think for a minute. It's not just your life you're playing with. Because if you get away with it once without anything bad happening, you are more likely to try it again....and again....and again....until something bad DOES happen, like you get busted or there's an accident.

My public service announcement is ff you know someone who needs help, help them get help, or be their designated driver if you can, or let them pass out on your couch.

If someone had made such a small gesture to the guy who killed my friend....I'd have one more reader to this blog and I'd have one of the few people I've ever let into my inner circle AN D see all of my good and bad here to give me their opinion on the best path to take forward in my fluxed little life.


I miss you so much, Flush. I bet you would have had plenty to say when things crashed down a few months ago....and I would have highly regarded your opinion because I sure was blind as hell. You were always good at showing me what I needed to see to make decisions. I truly looked up to you.
(Flush was his nickname I gave him.)


~A.