Primordial Chaos

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." - Buddha

~A.

Part of the Queue by Oasis, and I'm addicted to it and have been listening to it for HOURS today. Listening to it right now while writing this.

So, I do things a little differently than everyone else, this includes playing guitar. I play righty though I'm a lefty, but that's not the part that people give me shit about. I play a classical/spanish guitar. I do not play classical guitar music, which is more fingerplucking and not so much chords and strumming. I play acoustic guitar songs on classical guitar. Classical guitarists think this is a perversion of classical guitar. I like the classical sound better than acoustic, so that's what I play. To add to that, classical guitarists think it's extra perverse I play modern songs, mostly rock and r&b. I've had guitarists get in my face about that. On top of all that, I piss off acoustic guitarists and rock purists because I'll take a rock song and make it more r&b. Oh, and I do this on a classical guitar. This REALLY upsets some people. Especially when I do it to Oasis songs, I've done it to Wonderwall, Slide Away, Angel Child, and Acquiesce. Man, I've had people really bitch at me about that. I don't care though, if no one did anything different we wouldn't have any new ideas and we'd all be pretty similar. We all know if there's one person singing to the tune of a different guitar, it's me.

I actually started out playing most of the rock songs I learned in an acoustic rock style. First, it sounds kinda screwy on a classical. Second, I don't have a rock voice. When I sing, it's very much so r&b/funk, that's just my voice. So instead of limiting myself to r&b songs, I decided I'd adapt songs to me and what I want to do musically. Seemed like a rational thing to do to me. My friends, some of whom were completely against my acoustic guitar rock songs done as r&b on classical guitar, actually think it's pretty clever and gives a new sound to some old favorite songs. For a couple of them, it took them a bit to recognize the song, even though they knew it was familiar. I like doing things in a new way, wandering off the beaten path. It's just my nature, I guess. It's fun though.

Mentally, I'm feeling much better than previously, at least much less just wanting to lay in bed and cry. Still feeling gutted and unhappy. It's so crazy, this semester is so fucking important, and I have all this whole thing I have to deal with. I know some of my grades have taken a bit of a hit already. I'm pushing myself pretty hard to get a grip and in a fucking hurry. I don't know if that means I'm just bottling some of it up to deal with later, if I'm just not dealing with it or if maybe I shouldn't push myself and let things happen in due time. All I have is questions...no answers. Or maybe that is the answer, a question, and I just need to follow where they lead me. I just don't know. I don't know how to deal with this. It also didn't help me just now one of the mp3s I have of him singing and playing guitar just came up on my playlist, and to gut me a little harder it's one where he sings my name in it. I remember how I always thought that was sweetest thing a guy's ever done. Man...

I had something else I wanted to write about, but it has to wait. I can't write anymore right now.

~A.