The Heels played today...oh who cares, it's all about the Lobos now! :P Lobos play away tomorrow, then their next game is the 29th, here at the Pit, against Texas Tech. This game sold out weeks before, it's a pretty big deal here. Assuming we don't lose tomorrow, I KNOW they're looking to hand us our first loss. Dear god, let's just not have another 29% shooting night. Even though we won regardless of that...because we're that damn awesome. My ticket for the Tech game is actually a few rows closer than the others, which puts me closer to the Texas Tech team. Which is bad news for them, but means a good time for me. :P
Cy comes back to the Q in January, and we're totally going to go see a Lobos game at the Pit. This also means I'll have to behave myself. I hope he likes loud...though I bet he can out yell anyone in there!
I spent the day doing some creative writing or at least getting some ideas going. I have a creative writing class coming up in intersession, so why not have a few things to work with ahead of time? Granted I have notebooks full of stuff I could use, but I prefer to not recycle ideas for any reason. Plus I like to write, so it's not a big deal. As much as I am hoping to learn something from this class, it emphasizes process instead of product. Well, I think my process is fine, it's refining the product I think I need to work on. Even then it's more technical grammar usage stuff than anything. I definitely don't remember all the rules, the ones I do use are just second nature to me now. I'll assume the class will include refreshers on that, which will be helpful.
I need an English department faculty member referral in order to be a writing tutor. Assuming I do well in this class, I think I can get a glowing one. The only reason I wouldn't do well is if she doesn't like how I write or what I write about. If that happens then there's no doubt UNM is a sham. I'm not overly concerned though. I'm sure I can figure out what she likes and doesn't like and bastardize my writings to more her liking. I HATE not writing in my natural voice. I wrote it my way for a reason.
Though if there's one major lesson I've learned, it's you have to play the university's game. Meaning you have to work within the preferences of the person in charge. This aggravates me, but I do it anyways. I got dinged pretty hard in the spring semester for attempting to do otherwise. (Still bullshit.)
I consider myself exceptionally fortunate to have reading and writing as very strong points. I've noticed most of my classmates struggle in classes because of a lack of skill in either or both. I know some of the graduate students in UNM's Psy department complain they have to do a buttload of reading and writing. Fucking hell, I'd be happy as a pig in shit doing that. I'd definitely breeze through grad school. I have to read, write and do research? Oh please. I'd be out of there in 4 years easy. Am I a bit cocky? Yeah. But I can back it up. ;)
Are there people smarter than me? Yeah. Better looking? Of course? Know more? Have more talents? Larger accomplishments? Absolutely.
But you better damn believe that I am the most badass combination of all of the above.
Because I do. :)
~A.
This post is not my usual light-hearted or self reflective chatter. This is me drawing a fucking line in no uncertain terms.
My brother, being my overprotective brother, lurks about on a particularly offensive website, mostly to check if someone I know is talking shit about me. Apparently this person has been leaving commentary/links that my bro thinks are pretty obviously aimed at me. I checked myself, and yeah, they're pretty obviously aimed at me. What amuses me is that for someone who hates me SO MUCH and thinks I'm SO HORRIBLE, in order for them to make said commentary they must do a bit of browsing here and probably also my twitter. They put a lot of time and effort into keeping tabs on me, then feel a need to vaguely refer to me elsewhere. My response is this:
Grow up. Or keep taking the low road, you only make me look like the MUCH better person. I could have quite easily blanketed the internet with your so closely guarded personal info, but I didn't. You however, feel a need to keep attacking me and keep tabs on me. Which tells me I'm still on your mind for one reason or another. I'm sure all the vitriol helps you rationalize and justify your blatantly negative opinion of me, but come on. You're just projecting on to me, because we both know and my bro knows that the real bad guy here is you. You're the villain, you're the monster, you're the problem. This is just another act of cowardice, you honestly can't tell me directly you still have some issue with me? REALLY? You couldn't be direct with me before either, and we know how that went down. Something about me intimidates you, apparently. There also seems to be something about me you just can't let go of considering all the time you spend keeping yourself updated on me. Just wait till your demons dissolve your latest relationship. Bet you'll blame the other person like you do with any interpersonal relationship of yours that fails, just like you did Jenessa and just like you're doing with me.
Interestingly enough, the other side of the Jenessa story sounds much like my experience with you. You can safely assume that I did indeed track down and inquire the other side of the story. I was far too patient and kind with you. I assumed you only needed someone who understood you, someone to be a friend and could be patient through your...ahem...moments. I was wrong, because you burn all of your own bridges to cover your mistakes.What I assumed was anger about all of this was really me being deeply disappointed at you not being who I thought you were. I should have heeded the warnings from you, from Chris and from Dan. Everything they told me about you seems to be true so far. Even your warnings about being close to you were true. I'd like to be angry, but it's just overwhelming disappointment this is where you took things, this is where my attempts to reach out to someone who I felt was very misunderstood landed me and that this is how kindness and understanding were repaid, by backstabbing, lies, manipulation, cowardice and a lack of integrity. I have no reason to believe that you meant anything you ever said or that any of it was true.
I know I am too forgiving of others, you abused that endlessly. Yet I still believe there is something worth seeing in you. I feel that way about everybody, even those who have been crappy to me. I foolishly keep hoping you'll redeem yourself, that I am completely wrong, that I really did see something good in you and it wasn't smoke and mirrors. I will always hope that. But I know that I am not likely to see any of it in this lifetime and am far more likely to see more of the negative. You've reinforced that by the asshole way you've been acting and how you acted when I tried to make peace multiple times. I'll hope anyways.
You seem to assume everything is about you. You tend to make things about you. This post is definitely all about you.
I'm not.
~A.