Primordial Chaos

~~~~Note: these are pics of the laptop I have, but they aren't mine. Need to find my freaking camera. ~~~~



Ok, showing my geek side. So I got a new laptop, and this thing is a beast. Yes, I named it Chaosflare. It's one of Asus' gaming laptops and I've put it through a few of it's paces and even running a graphics heavy game in highest detail and lots of things going on (die you evil undead!) er, doing homework I couldn't push it past 53% of processor use an 76% of Ram usage. And I TRIED people. I DAMN TRIED. I grabbed it at Best Buy, and it's so new it's not on their website so I can't just copy paste specs. Therefore I am cobbling together this post of all the detailed specs of the components.

First and foremost, the processor. Now, when I decided I was going to get a new laptop I loudly announced I wanted only an AMD processor. I am fully aware AMD is sucking it up on the laptop end of things, but they're kinda like a fav sports team, I support them even when they're sucking.

I wound up with an Intel. I couldn't find an AMD laptop with either everything I wanted, or everything I wanted at a decent price. Grudgingly, I admit this processor isn't SO bad.

Processor specs (copy pasted, I'm lazy):

Type	CPU / Microprocessor
Family	Intel Core 2 Duo Mobile
Processor number ?	P7450
Part number	AW80577SH0463M
Frequency (GHz)	2.133
Frequency in LFM mode (GHz)	1.6
Frequency in SLFM mode (GHz)	0.8
Bus speed (MHz) ?	1066
Clock multiplier ?	8
Package type	478-pin micro-FCPGA
Architecture
CPUID	010676h
Core stepping	M0
Manufacturing technology (micron)	0.045
Number of cores	2
L2 cache size (MB) ?	3
Features	Enhanced SpeedStep technology ?
Core voltage (V) ?	0.9 - 1.2125
Core voltage in LFM mode (V)	0.85 - 1.025
Core voltage in SLFM mode (V)	0.75 - 0.95
Thermal Design Power (Watt) ?	25

Next up, the hard drive, basic 320 gig 7200 rpm. More space than I will EVER need. (My desktop has a freaking terabyte just because and I'm using like...100gigs of that. But I might need that space one day, and it's handy when I need to back up the laptop I can throw EVERYTHING over and not worry about sorting it.)

The operating system: 64 bit Windows Vista Home Premium. I dislike Vista cause it's a fat pile of bloat, but I don't really have any options. ASUS isn't supporting putting XP on their new laptops, but my Dell (there is going to be a rant post about Dell soon) had Vista so I'm used to the things that piss me off, so they don't piss me off as much anymore.

The RAM: 4 gigs of DDR2, more than enough for me to abuse while I kill aliens/zombies/undead. Oh, and uh...do homework, yeah that's it. Homework.

The video card: Nvidia GeForce 9800M GS, 512 MB GDDR3, with copy pasted detailed specs:

Manufacturer	NVIDIA
Series	GeForce 9000M
Codename	NB9E-GS
Pipelines	64 - unified
Core Speed *	530 MHz
Shader Speed *
Memory Speed *	800 MHz
Memory Bus Width	256 Bit
Memory Type	GDDR3
Max. Amount of Memory	512 MB
Shared Memory	no
DirectX	DirectX 10, Shader 4.0
Current Consumption	60 Watt
Transistors	504 Million

The DVD/CD ROM drive: Basic do all drive, except it has lightscribe, which basically lets you label the CD using the drive. Which is good for me, because you should see all the CDs in my car that are blank and I have no idea what music is on them because I forget to grab a sharpie. I believe it supports blu ray as well.

The sound: Surprisingly awesome for a laptop, Altec Lansing speakers with Dolby digital home theater. Very VERY cool.

Extras: Built in 1.3 megapixel webcam, the LED lighting and case graphics (see pics above), face recognition software, a free year of Lojack, that stolen laptop service where the laptop reports it's location so the police can track down who stole it, face recognition logon, 802.11N wireless card (my home network is N so that was cool) and the QUALITY that Asus notebooks provide. All in all I am MORE than pleased with this laptop.

So there we have it, let me get back to killing zomb...er doing homework.

~AJ.

So, I've just completed my first of week of school. I'm managing 19 credit hours, and I actually don't feel overwhelmed so far. I try and do my homework the day I get it, and I work ahead in the classes I can, or at least read ahead. I've spent most of today studying, finishing up this week in my online class, and working ahead for next week. Tomorrow will be more of the same, so I am well prepared for the coming week.

After talking with my TA for both of my psych classes this semester, and just talking about myself, my abilities, and my goals, they think I should seriously consider going for a dual degree program for MD/PhD, an option I hadn't thought of. I'm heavily mulling it over. It's a very intense program, but they pay your tuition (bonus) very academically competitive to get into (more bonus, I like the pressure to succeed academically), and I think it will be the challenging environment I am looking for. No decsions have been made yet, though I will need to by fall or so, so I can make sure I take the pre-reqs for whatever I decide to do, MD, PhD, or both. :)

My professors are fascinating, except my chem professor. She's Chinese, and most of the notes she gives out or puts on the board are in what's known as Engrish. I'm just really jazzed about this semester. Already looking at what I want to (need to) take for summer, since the summer class schedule is out. My current plan of attack is taking all my pre-med crap (which also happens to be most of the crap for my minor, that was very intentional) so I can get my act together for the MCATs, the med school entrance exams. My standardized test skills are legendary, so I'm not SUPER concerned. That and I'm trying to keep pressure off of myself. I'm really good at stressing myself out.

Ok, I have to write a pre-lab report and study my Spanish vocabulary.

All part of my plan to shoot the moon. :)

I think too much. Seriously. Every time something shakes up my world, I question and doubt almost every aspect of myself. I mention this because I spent most of the wee hours of the morning overthinking things, doubting myself, hating the things I think are wrong with me, and wondering if the things that are right are good enough. I dissect my existence into dust sized pieces, and ask my favorite question. Why? Why am I this way, why did this person say this to me, why do people treat me this way, or that way, why did that make me feel like this, why does this person make me feel this way, you get the idea. This stems from my obsession over small parts and details. I have this intense drive to know the why of damn near everything in my world. It drives me nuts sometimes. I wish it was easier for me to let go, hell, sometimes I wish everything just rolled off of me without phasing me. The fact is I'm super emotional and incredibly glass hearted. I wish I wasn't, sometimes I wish I could be that heartless bitch who didn't care. But I'm that girl who cares too much, who hurts more often than maybe she should, who gets lost in her emotions...

I think that aspect of me is my biggest fault, that I am so sensitive. It's definitely not doing me any favors right now. Really struggling to get a fucking grip before school starts. I was smiling so much, but now, I just have this dark, blank look on my face, don't want to laugh, haven't been eating. It's like I fell from flying high in the skies and hit the ground. Except I didnt bounce, I just hit the bottom of a dark hole and got stuck.

This too shall pass...right? I hope so.

I had high hopes for 2009, but those are all currently splattered on the jagged rocks below. Yes, I'm being a wee bit emo and pessimistic, but I'm really coming from a dark place right now. 2008 was such a dismal year, not just personally but for everyone with the economy and all. I was hoping 2009 would start off better than 2008. I wanted everyone to welcome 2009 with open arms and for this year to bestow those around me with much more joy and prosperity than that son of a bitch 2008.

That's not how it's going at all.

My last surviving grandparent passed away at the beginning of January. That's a whole generation of history, my history even, gone. That really bums me the fuck out.

My mom is still pretty eh since her car accident, she's in pain everyday and it kills me to see a woman who I know as a very driven hardcore person have to slow down and compromise her life and her actions because of pain. I know it's driving her crazy too.

This one is pretty major to me, a VERY VERY VERY VERY close friend of mine and I are, well, no longer friends. I was straight up told in a text message he wanted nothing more to do with me. I'm not going into the details or circumstances, we had our disagreements, but everytime before we'd managed to reset back like nothing happened. I don't know what went wrong this time, and this is a MAJOR loss to me. It was within the past couple of weeks that he told me he was glad he knew me and was glad we were close. I felt no tension or stress between us, but then...something went wrong, and I can't pin it down what would cause THIS after one of our spats. I'm so far down I'm not even eating. I hadn't let anyone get that close to me in many years. And of course I don't want to ever again right now, the defense mechanisms are kicking in. My other friends have noticed my drastic drop in mood, since I was riding pretty high about school starting, being in the honors programs, etc., and they're checking up on me. Every couple of hours one of them will text, call, instant message, or email me, to make sure I'm ok, give me some comforting words, and remind me of my own worth and value. I don't feel like I have any after being tossed aside like that. I am grateful for everyone who has been trying to cheer me up and keeping me from completely withdrawing from the world. I feel like I lost a part of myself, but I am glad there are those who know me who are trying to remind me that piece isn't lost forever. Thank you guys, especially you, J.E. Working on our 6th year of being friends and you're still the best relationship I've had with a male ever, romantic or not.

As I mentioned, it's back to school time for me, I go back on Jan. 20th. I am taking 19 credit hours, including an honors course. I am actually looking forward to school, I completely thrive in an academic environment. I could also use the distractions from some of the other things going on in my life. I'll be up at 6 am every morning! I'll really have to change my sleeping habits around to make sure I am well rested everyday. I'm really going to ty and graduate as fast as possible, with as many honors as I can grab in the whirlwind of my being there.

I slept horrible last night, obviously I was pretty distressed. It's not even 9 here and I am quite tired already. I think it's time for some much needed rest, both for my body, and my mind.

I think too much.