I think too much. Seriously. Every time something shakes up my world, I question and doubt almost every aspect of myself. I mention this because I spent most of the wee hours of the morning overthinking things, doubting myself, hating the things I think are wrong with me, and wondering if the things that are right are good enough. I dissect my existence into dust sized pieces, and ask my favorite question. Why? Why am I this way, why did this person say this to me, why do people treat me this way, or that way, why did that make me feel like this, why does this person make me feel this way, you get the idea. This stems from my obsession over small parts and details. I have this intense drive to know the why of damn near everything in my world. It drives me nuts sometimes. I wish it was easier for me to let go, hell, sometimes I wish everything just rolled off of me without phasing me. The fact is I'm super emotional and incredibly glass hearted. I wish I wasn't, sometimes I wish I could be that heartless bitch who didn't care. But I'm that girl who cares too much, who hurts more often than maybe she should, who gets lost in her emotions...
I think that aspect of me is my biggest fault, that I am so sensitive. It's definitely not doing me any favors right now. Really struggling to get a fucking grip before school starts. I was smiling so much, but now, I just have this dark, blank look on my face, don't want to laugh, haven't been eating. It's like I fell from flying high in the skies and hit the ground. Except I didnt bounce, I just hit the bottom of a dark hole and got stuck.
This too shall pass...right? I hope so.
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~A.
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