Primordial Chaos

I keep saying I'm going to test posting from my phone, but I decided to wait until my replacement gets here since my phone is having all sorts of issues. Also why my twitter has been unusually quiet.

I'm writing this on my netbook on the bus to school. :) I've really gotten into the free open source programs. I use Thunderbird to keep up with my 6 email accounts, Sunbird to keep track of events and classes, basically where I need to be when, Open Office (Star Office on Linux, which for obvious reasons I prefer the name) and of course Linux. I've even gotten savvy enough to where I can customize my own version of Linux. Everything but the Dell is running it, and only because I'm afraid to change anything on the Dell since it will probably burst into flames. I'd get another laptop, but it does what I need it to do, which is basically run Windows on the off occasions I need it and my messenger program/Thunderbird. I tend to spend a lot of time on my netbook, because I just like it. :P I voided my warranty the day I got it by putting in a 2gig stick of RAM instead of the stock 1gig. From that moment on, I got absorbed in what all can I do with this thing. I ALMOST put XP on it since I was having so many issues getting a grip on Linux. Then I decided I'd learn just how to customize Linux and tell Bill Gates to kiss my ass. So, my netbook came with Xandros, a version of Linux I'm only partial to because of the name. So, I got the code, edited it a bit, and I call my version Ale.Xandros (oh shut up it's clever). I've not had a single damn issue with it, plus I made it easy for me to use. :P That's my nerd confession of the day.

My brother told me about this test that will tell you if you will ever master programming or not. It's so bizarrely accurate, in the study there were NO exceptions, those who scored low failed out or quit before failing out of a programming class/program, those who did well, continued to do well. Of course, both me and my bro scored high. People tend to be surprised I know how to program (somewhat, I'm not my bro my any means, so I tip my hat to him) but if you've read the previous post, my mind is VERY highly system oriented. Also, I master language fairly well, and basically code is very much like a verbal/written language, this means this in code, this means this, just a matter of translation. Oh, and my minor is Computer Science. I remember talking to him telling him about the compsci classes I need to take. He graduated from the same school with his degree in compsci, so he was giving me all the hints and tricks, what classes to take, offered to help me and even do some of the coding. That was pretty cool of him.

I've had a bunch of people tell me to switch to Win7 recently. My response was to see what it could do that was so amazing, then program it into my Linux which I'm still working on. So fuck you, you consumer slaves. :P

Yesterday I pulled a 22 hour day. Of course, the last 2 hours were spent watching Alien, the first one. We watched the second in class on Monday, and to my surprise it scared the hell out of me. So it only makes sense to continue to scare the hell out of myself. :P I'm kinda obsessed, gonna watch the 3rd one tonight. Hate watching crap out of order, but eh, from here I'll do them all in order, just had to get caught up! It was pretty funny last night, I was watching it on my laptop while laying in bed, and I kept hiding my face into a pillow when I got scared. I was more often than not peering over the pillow watching the movie. Of course, I was watching it in the dark. I didn't see my cat Metro sleeping in my dresser, and he wanted to snuggle, so he jumped on the bed. Scared the hell out of me, I screamed and fell off the bed into the floor. I'm such a weenie, but it's cool. I am enjoying myself and definitely laughing at myself.

So I'm taking a psych research stats class. I took intro stats last spring and it was way more involved, so this stuff is really watered down stats. So I saw my prof outside of the classroom, and he recognized me and said hi. Now, I'm turning kind of red because I only go to that class to turn in homework and take tests. He mentioned he never sees me in class, except on test and homework days. I just smiled at him. He then commented about how he is shocked I'm pulling a 98 in his class while never showing up. I winked and smiled and just said “Well if I'm doing so well not showing up, I guess I should continue since it seems to be working for me”. He laughed and said why can't I have more students like you. I told him because I am a unique force. He nodded said “I guess so” and walked off.

That anecdote ties directly into my displeasure with UNM. I've mentioned before I go to school to learn. However, I'm coasting through a lot of my classes, and not really learning what I think I should be. I want to know exactly what the hell I'm doing and I want my basics down solid before going on to graduate school. I've kept every single textbook just so I can go back and either look stuff up or refresh. I've experienced more than once the pre-req for a class NOT preparing me for the next class in the series. Glad I kept my books, sheesh. I know people are like a college is a college, some are just more famous than others. Even my dad says I should stay at UNM and just grad from here, a degree is a degree.

Those of you who have had this conversation with me know I'm giving a lot of pushback to that type of commentary. Here's some more in a very blunt and direct style:

Listen. Maybe it's acceptable to everyone else to just get the piece of paper and go on. At the same time, look around you at all these college graduates who don't know shit about what they majored in or even basic grammar. That under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is acceptable to me. Good enough isn't good enough for me. When I start my career, I want to know what the hell I am doing, and know it well. Anything less is selling myself short and doing a disservice to anyone who hires me assuming I have a knowledge base my education may not have given me. Not acceptable. Maybe I'm unusual in my demand for a quality education. Maybe I'm expecting too much from college. But I refuse to believe I'm alone in my thinking. Those of you trying to tell me otherwise ARE HOLDING ME BACK. Do you get it? I am not living up to my potential whatsoever here. That's why they keep throwing honors and shit at me for being above mediocre. They're not demanding better of me as long as I am better than the status quo. That's not enough for me. At all. I refuse to stop pushing myself, to stop trying to learn more and be better. I'm kind of tired of being told what other people think is best for me, since a lot of you don't seem to god damn know.

I know, for most of you anyways, your intentions are good. There is quite a bit of logic to everyone's ideas and opinions. But you all should know me better than that. This is also why I have not released my final list of 4 (yeah I added one) schools I want to escape to. I don't want to hear the bullshit. Everyone is a critic, and I'm sure someone will say something negative about each school. I've spent about 20 hours on EACH school to make sure everything is what I want. I've gone through every single kind of review to get exactly what I want, from rate my professor to US News to forum lurking...trust me I'm on this like stink on shit. I've settled too many times in too many ways, not just education. So, if you aren't behind me you are in my way, and this train has no brakes.

I'm having an aggressive day, actually it seems like every week I get a little more focused, a little more determined.

Kinda sad today though. Just kind of going through the motions.

~A.