All I have left is hope. I uncovered my 4 pages today, said what I needed to say to the people I needed to say it to. I could say I'm sorry for the rest of my life, I could live in this regret forever, I could feel this low until I quit breathing. At least, that's how it feels. I'm not proud of what I did or said but it had to happen sooner rather than later. As soon as I told the story to someone not involved, I just felt sick, it was so easy to ignore if it was just in my head, but once it came out, once I had to explain myself, I realized that I had to do the right thing, come clean, and do it soon.
So this evening, I did. I made one phone call, and had a face to face with another person. I could see why they were angry, they had a right to be. I deserved every word. Now I go forward less tormented in some ways, and more so in others.
I hang my head and wait for time to ease the feelings I feel.
~A.
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~A.
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