Primordial Chaos

So I had this rather deeply thought out and written post I was going to post, but it didn't read or feel right. It's exceptionally rare I write something that doesn't flow well, and today I just don't feel like getting that deep in my mind. I'll give it a go another day.

Small rant: So, I got rear ended recently and I'm thinking alright, car getting fixed and it's not on me, Blue will be looking good and ready to go when I transfer schools. Because life isn't that easy, this lady and her husband are ignoring THEIR insurance's (Progressive) phone calls and letters.They haven't gotten her statement so they can't determine liability until they do which means I can't get my fucking car fixed. So now Blue is EVEN MORE damaged than before and these people won't just step up and make this easy. Progressive has been awesome about working with me, the only issue was they didn't call me to let me know this shit was going down. Progressive is going to threaten legal action next week. If they completely shirk this, I have to go through my insurance, Allstate, and use MY coverage and pay MY $400 deductible to get my car fixed, then the body shop goes after the other party to get the money back. If I hadn't gotten comprehensive/collision, I wouldn't even have that option. With GEICO I only had liability, but something told me get the full package when I dropped them like a bad habit, plus it was only a few dollars more than GEICO's liability only. (Fuck you, GEICO.)

So needless to say I'm PISSED. First, they're avoiding their insurance company for whatever reason, I mean, be a goddamn adult. If I had hit someone, I'd be like, yeah, that was my bad, cooperate fully so I'm done with it quickly, and move on with my life. I really wouldn't want my (probably former by then) insurance company suing me for breach of contract. Court isn't the most fun of all places to be. Second, if I have to pay for her fucking mistake, I'll be completely enraged and consider my legal options. Why should I have to pay $400 bucks for her screw up, then wait to get my money back when the shop gets the money from her. IF they get the money from her.

Third, and more abstractly relevant, Blueshift is my chariot of justice. From chasing down assholes throwing drinks on bums to beat downs in parking lots, Blue takes me there. And also gets me the hell out of there. :P (I need these: this shirt and another shirt. That second one is pretty true about me. Easy birthday gifts. :P That and Converse.)

To make my point, in a lot of ways, Blue is a part of my identity. Blue represents the new me, the one who takes everything head on. Blue was kinda the starting point of it all. See, I was looking for a new car, and I didn't see anything I wanted in ABQ, so I checked craigslist in cities where I had people I knew so they could take me to pick up the car or whatever. I was actually looking for another 190e, automatic. I looked for a few weeks everyday many times a day in about 7 cities, didn't find one, so I started looking at other cars I like and even just the list of what was available in general. I checked Tucson, AZ, where I have friends who I just got back from visiting over spring break actually. And I saw Blue, who was one of my fav shades of blue. I could live with a blue car. :P Blue was freshly cleaned in the pics, and in one the xenon lights were on. Blue was quite a bit underpriced (fuck the bluebook, rarity and gas mileage make these hard to find) so I figured someone local had beat me to it, I'd missed the ad somehow for a couple of days. Plus, Blue was a manual, I couldn't drive a stick. Despite this, I tried anyways and emailed the guy. He still had the car! I couldn't drive a stick to get it back here to NM though. :( I told my mom, and she stepped in and took over (as she does...), she was the one communicating with the guy, and she asked me "do you really want this car?" My immediate reply was hell yes I do. So she said she'd drive it back to NM from Tucson, our friends are there so she could visit them too. I was so happy, the guy even held the car for us, but waiting for the day my mom would fly out and bring it back was a bitch because I was so excited. I was even worse once I knew she was driving back. :P

I told all my friends and showed them the pics, and I got a similar reaction from damn near all of them: "you bought a car you can't fucking drive?" Yeah, that point hadn't been forgotten by me. I'd also had a miserable experience trying to learn a stick when I was younger, so ever since it left a bad taste in my mouth and I avoided manual transmissions. I'd backed myself into my own corner, I needed a car to get back and forth from school and such, and I had one, but I couldn't drive it. So I HAD to learn to drive a stick. I had no other option. Sometimes, this is the only way to get me to do something. Even I know this. :P Blue was sitting in the driveway, and all I could do was sit in the fucking car. The weather was nice, couldn't even take the top down and go for a drive.

My mom drove Blue while I drove her car until I learned a stick. It wasn't until the next weekend till she could take me somewhere and show me how to do it. We went out to the mall parking lot, during the day, and I got a brief speech and then she was like "try it". It was a bumpy, literally, start. Going from a stop to first gear was terrible...but going from first to second was really smooth. My mom was kinda surprised, but I guess once I got going it was easier. We were there for an hour, then went home. I'd "driven" Blue! I felt at ease when behind the wheel, wasn't all nervous like I thought I'd be. The going from first to second smoothly gave me some confidence. One night, I slipped out late, and was going to drive, sorta, around the neighborhood. I could only get to second but wouldn't need much more than that in the neighborhood. This area is called Paradise HILLS for a reason. I struggle greatly with the hills and stop signs, but I got a little better at driving. I even got to 3rd gear! I was only out for an hour, but I went home and went to bed exhausted.

It's only a couple of nights later I go out again in the middle of the night. However, I drive to this business that is right across the street from my neighborhood. Neighborhood street too, so no worries. This parking lot has a bit of a slant to it. Nothing major, but there's a slope. Since I can't do any slope at this point, I got the idea to go there and practice. I get this loop going, around the parking lot, up the slope to continue my circle, then finishing where I started. I took an hour doing this, and was doing damn well close to the end. I decided to live dangerously, and I got on a major street that forms one boundary of the neighborhood. Of course, it's 2 am and no one is out, so not very dangerously. I get so excited because it feels like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to, I shouldn't be on major streets. I went maybe half a mile on that road then went home. Progress!

Later that week I take my 4th, and what winds up being my final, practice hour. I start off in the neighborhood, couple of stalls, but goes really well. I try the streets on hills, and don't do so bad there either. I go on major streets too, and even make my way to where I'd be doing most of my driving, the transit center to pick up the crosstown bus and ride my 15 miles to school. I drive there, and I drive more on the major streets, and then I drive home after just over an hour never having to go beyond 3rd gear. I get in the driveway and turn off the car, but don't get out. The nights were very pleasant and not chilly, so I had my top down. I look up at the stars and the moon shining on me and I felt pretty good that I am learning how to conquer something I heavily avoided. This Aeris was fearless. A conquistadora of herself and the world around her. Or with her bright eyes and eager smile, conquistadorable. :P (that is actually a nickname of mine, I get lots of nicknames, lol)

I was no longer intimidated by learning to drive a manual, or damn near anything. Supergirl was back, and she was grown up and BADASS. I turn my car on, and leave the house, make my way on a major street, just cruising, even have my music on and turned up a little. Feeling pretty damn good and badass while driving around, so I make my way to one of the streets that crosses the river, Paseo Del Norte. This is basically like a highway, speed limit is 60. I'd have to go all the way to 5th for that! But I'm Supergirl, and I am BAD. ASS. I get on and speed up, getting up to 65 and feeling seriously like I did something I wasn't supposed to. Nevermind I'm a grown ass woman driving her own car and could go where she pleased, there was still that feeling of being a noob who shouldn't be running with the big boys, especially not in that tiny little car. But fuck that, I was out there, music up louder than before and wind going through my hair...and I was in 5th gear. I'd conquered this. I'd tamed this horse.

Blue was now MY car, and my mom went back to driving hers. I still had a few stall outs at lights for a couple of weeks and super steep hills were a challenge too. After about a month, stall outs happened maybe once a week, if at all. I learned how to drive a stick in a total of 4 hours. Which made me smile because that's my lucky/favorite number. I have days where I stall it out, miss gears, etc. like all fucking day, then weeks of nothing. Just off days, I guess.

So over time I've cleaned up Blue, floormats, seats, LED instrument panel lights (in blue of course), AERIS in chrome on my rear driver's side, a good wash and hand wax once a week and I also check fluids, belts, tire tread, brakes, air filter and fuses then too. Hell, because I'm in the desert I even “moisturize” my rubber and seals so they last longer. It's just silicone spray and silicone grease, but like anyone fucking does that. I, being clever and able, went to Autozone and bought the Haynes guide for my car, since I didn't know where things were or what they did and I like knowing my damn car. I do Blue's oil changes.  Yes, I get under my damn car and change my own fucking oil. Cause I'm badass. For the cost of taking it somewhere to get it done with cheap stuff, I do it on my own, use the high end primo oil and filter and still save a few bucks. Plus it's kinda fun to do it, it's easy as hell and you feel accomplished afterwards. I took Blue in for tire rotation, and they checked my fluids and shit for more things to charge me for probably and the guy asked where did I get my oil changes that used the good stuff because he'd like to take his tricked out car there. I look him in the eye and tell him I did the damn oil change. Guys do not expect things like this from me. I loved the look of shock on his face. He said “You can do that?” and I just said there's not much I can't do and winked. He gave me a discount on the rotation and alignment just for being such a “cool ass girl”. The guy actually made it a permanent discount, so I always get 30% off anything, tires, rims, repairs, whatever. Just for being a woman who isn't clueless or helpless. Sucks to not be me. :P

Obviously, Blue is WELL cared for by me. That car will last forever. I also love driving that car, considering since late September I've put...14k miles on it. We recently just ticked over 170k miles on the odometer. I love that damn car. And now some bitch fucked up Blue and is trying to avoid the insurance company. So very angry right now. It's gonna take two or three days to fix Blue according to 2 of the 3 estimates I have, the 3rd one is on Tuesday. I swear, if I have to pay for it, all hell will be breaking loose. This could have been over already. It's been 9 days since she hit me. I have her cell phone number, she's ignoring my calls too. Her beat up black primered retired Crown Vic isn't even worth worrying about. Blue is a clean, sleek, slick looking car, been repainted less than a year before I got it...and now this. I have this grandiose daydream of driving into my new town and to my new school turning heads, Blue in top condition, shining with a fresh wax job and me with my curly hair blowing in the wind and a smile because this school doesn't know what they're in for. Notice I didn't say Blue looking like I'd been playing bumper cars. Can't imagine why I didn't say that, oh right BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THAT.

I know it seems vain and selfish to get so huffy about what my car looks like. But like I said, that was my first step to getting my old self back, that was my burst of confidence I needed. That car is a symbol of all that, of the beginning of getting my shit in gear. It's like a trophy. You'd probably be pretty pissed of someone took a hammer to a prized trophy. It's like that.

So Blue needs to shine brightly, for me more than anyone else. But Blue needs to shine brightly for other people too, so they take heed. It's taken me quite a few hours to fix everything and get it all straightened out, but because Blue needs to shine, the xenons are returning. :) There's still some wiring to finish and I gotta figure out why the horn was wired to the lights and get that back to where it should be, going to get the same bulbs I had when I bought the car...but they'll be back. Shitty drivers and people on the phone not paying attention and almost hitting me cause my car is so small, that's your only warning. At least until you get hit with light in your eyes and behind you is a small blue car whose front end looks like it's smiling and its engine purring happily and a cute young woman whose front end looks like she's pissed and her engine is cursing your name for being on the fucking phone in an SUV and almost running into her without even noticing.

I totally hadn't intended for this to be all about Blue, guess the other part will be another post. But hey, I write well, it reads smooth and think about what I wrote about, I make everyday shit look interesting.

Because it is. :)

~A.