Primordial Chaos

Another title pulled from Dr. Seuss, gotta try new things. :) I've been in a ranting mood lately. Probably all the stress built up waiting for decisions. Where to start...

My hair. I have that typical biracial ringlets hair. They are a bitch to care for. (No wonder I cut my hair all the fucking time.) However, I am determined to grow my hair out. So, I decided to browse through the magic of Google some biracial hairstyles, maybe find something easy to maintain or that I like. Basically, all the pics were like fro, fro, cornrows, cornrows and fro, cornrows, fro, fro, out of control fro, hair weave, relaxer, relaxer and more fro. So I guess my options are limited. My hair gets so damn out of control that a fro would be very high maintenance, like were talking at least a couple of hours a day. Hell no. I don't want to go with the cornrows because my hair is fine so they don't stay. Which means hours redoing the fucking things, so more hell no. Relaxer is out because I like my curly hair and want my hair curly. I am not black enough to get a weave, thank you very much. I'm not paying hundreds of dollars to sit in a chair for TEN HOURS while my hair is put into cornrows and then extensions sewn on to them. First, because of my before mentioned issues with cornrows, that mess would need to be redone rather frequently. Second, I don't want a heavy fur coat on my head, especially during summer. There are businesses that do LOANS so people can get their hair done because it can run up to and well over 800 bucks. WHAT THE FUCK. Taking out a loan to do your hair? Holy shit! Check your fucking priorities!

I've found a solution after 26 years of arguing with my fro. Basically it involves relaxer. Yes I know what I said up there, but listen. I only leave it on long enough to relax the curls a bit, not make it straight. Like if I had big curls instead of the tiny ones. Also, because the growth grows out curly and I WANT curly, I only have to do it like every 6 months, maybe. 5 mins, rinse out and I can manage my hair. This also keeps my hair wash and go easy to do. Hell, because curly hair is naturally kinda dried out plus throw in some blackness, I only put shampoo in my hair once a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday I co-wash, meaning conditioner wash where you just put in and rinse out conditioner, the other days are water only. I also sleep with a satin cap on my head to keep my pillow from absorbing oils from my hair plus to keep the back of my head from tangling and getting little knots in it. So, I'm already doing special upkeep, I don't want more. However, it pays off because my hair is always soft, never greasy and never out of control. I can work with that. Of course, it's short right now. We'll see how I feel when it gets longer. Speaking of, ever since I stopped taking biotin my hair is growing slow as hell. I shaved my head once, then it grew to my shoulders from October to May/June. I shaved it again in September, it's end of March and still not out of so short it looks like a fro mode, not even over my ears when curly. Guess I should go back to biotin :P.

So, there's this thing where you can have your blog turned into a book. I, being curious, entered in mine to see how many pages it would be. In a compacted mode maximizing use of space, smaller pictures, etc. it's 287 pages. HO-LY SHIT! I write A LOT! That means you guys read a lot too! It's good for ya, keeps ya smart. I just thought I'd mention that because, seriously, that's a lot of writing. It's like 14.95 for a 20 page soft cover, 35 cents each extra page. 110 bucks for a soft cover version of my blog. Wild.

My brother's glass desk SHATTERED all over him yesterday, it was a huge glass top desk. It was insane to see, he put his hands on the keyboard and the glass shattered from there on out. Jess' legs were under the desk, so he got A LOT of cuts, there was glass and blood everywhere. I got him into the bathroom and got the peroxide and cotton balls, had to take care of my little brother! :) Went into his room and started cleaning up the glass while he stopped bleeding, then he came to help. Even brought me a snack to make sure I ate something. We're on much better terms now, we went together and got him a new desk today. Someone took me somewhere! :P

I exist as a contradiction to myself. Well, maybe that's not the right word. Aspects of me conflict or impair other aspects of me. Prime example, since I just got my annual eye exam reminder, I have what's referred to as hawk-eye vision. People with autism have basically vision like birds of prey do, they can hone in on a target rather specifically. I'm no exception, for once, this is what contributes to my bizarrely accurate aim. Basically, my vision is about the same as that reported for birds of prey. Well, when corrected. I have astigmatism in both eyes and a congenital cataract in my left eye. My vision SUCKS in its natural state, I can't read a TV screen from about 10-20 feet away, and everything is really blurry in general. However, I am good at picking up small details at a distance and being able to figure out what they are based on what I can see. I put my glasses on and it's a whole new ball game. My vision with no correction is about 20:40, I can see at 20 feet what "average" vision can see at 40. Ouch. Glasses on, it's 20:10, I can see at 20 feet what "average" can see at 10. I like that better. :P We'll see how much that's changed in the past year, but it's interesting I exist both ways. (Found the abstract: here. )

Another example, my reflexes are great, I'm strong and I'm quick, I run like a fucking gazelle with my long legs. You'd think this would tend me towards a good sense of balance and walking with grace and poise. Fuck no, I am clumsy as all hell. You can check my legs for a week, you will find bruises at the start, and new ones about every damn day. Living in the damn desert dries my skin out, so I put lotion on before bed every night. I found 3 new bruises last night, and a few I hadn't seen before but were starting to fade. I have no idea what the hell they're from. I trip, fall and bump into stuff all the time, so it could be any of those incidents. I look really good standing still. Walking...is another story. I stumble when running, but have never tripped. I can't go a day without tripping at school just walking across campus. There's all kinds of quirks about me like that. I find myself kinda interesting but frustrating that way.

Something that is less interesting and more frustrating is handwriting. I like to handwrite my notes when I take them in class because it's one more exposure to the material. I remember more when I handwrite my notes, something I learned a hard way. Bombed a quiz after taking notes on my netbook. Anyways, the problem being I handwrite slow and it's even worse when I'm trying to pay attention to the lecture so I can take notes and also having to writing the notes. Handwriting is EXTREMELY hard for me, I usually have to use a personal version of shorthand then go back and write them out. It takes a lot of brainpower for me to focus to handwrite something, I have to really concentrate. This makes my many notebooks of handwritten randomness that much more impressive. But I need brainpower to process the material too. :( I only just today thought of using a sound recorder to record the lectures so I can go back and make my notes. God, I'm so oblivious to the obvious. It's a wonder people don't think I'm an idiot because I miss the obvious so much. So I was eying the recording capacity on those little handheld recorders while Jess was desk shopping. After comparing all of them, I smiled. Why? Because Droid does. So, after a quick app install, My Droid is now my sound recorder too. :) And I have over 4 gigs unused on my SD card, more than any of the recorders I saw. This phone is BADASS. So it makes sense I have one. :P

Hopefully I get accepted somewhere humid. :P The climate here dries out the rubber seals on Blue, so when it rains, Blue leaks from the roof because of the removable top. :( It's like a drop every so often but it's annoying. However, I can "fix" this by wiping down my seals with silicone spray then silicone grease, something I did today while giving Blue the usual weekly inspection. After a few minutes, they soak up the silicone stuff and expand back to normal, the grease also protecting them from the weather and such. After thorough testing with the hose, no leaks. :)  Even held the hose right on where the leak usually is for a few minutes, and nothing. Now, I could always have the seals replaced by the dealer. To the tune of $700. Or $10 doing it my way. Hmmmm. Hard choice. :P I like how clever I am. :) I get to use it to be practical. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment when I circumvent bullshit like that.

I'm not doing so bad for myself. I definitely have lots of useful skills. :)

~A.