Primordial Chaos

To speak about UNM quickly, between basketball games, being a part of section 26 (so much fun) friends both student and professor, involvement on campus...I feel I am not a UNM student. I am a LOBO to the core. I'm serious. Some part of me will always be a Lobo, and they'll always be my b-ball team...even when they suck. But this year they don't and the Heels do and fuck yeah that makes me happy. :P Top b-ball program my ASS. Anyways, back on topic...I feel like a part of here. But I'm academically MISERABLE here. I'm not even studying the field I'd like to be, I don't feel like I'm being pushed or challenged and I REALLY don't feel like I know all the shit I really should. A decent basketball team and a social life won't make me a good researcher, knowing my shit will. When I first was thinking I want the fuck out of here, I didn't give a shit about what I left behind, I just wanted to go. Now it's not so easy. Even if I get into where I want to go...it's not going to be an easy choice. The fact I would even hesitate to leave UNM to be better prepared is conflicting. This was supposed to be an easy no brainer. = /

I've said before I'm listening to music constantly. Mostly because I don't have to listen to people. My headphones come in handy on campus because there's always some group or another handing out fliers and shit for one cause or another. I don't hear them. Great for people out there supporting a cause, but handing me and a bunch of other college student fliers that will wind up on the ground or in the trash isn't making a difference, it's invading personal space and making a mess. But I've said a million times I need music. And I do.

I use it to wake up in the morning, I don't drink coffee and green tea doesn't have much caffeine, and some of what I drink has basically none at all. So, I use music to get myself ready to go do whatever I gotta do which usually involves putting up with UNM and its denizens of dumb. But specifically in the morning, while eating breakfast, taking a shower, getting dressed, NOT in my car but always on the bus ride to school and walking to my first class I listen to very specific music. I am about to show my gamer nerd here but...

I listen to video game music. In particular the boss battle music and heroes' themes from RPGs (Role Playing Games). See, something I love about console RPGs is they have these fantastic orchestrated songs that they use for when the heroes win and during important fights. They're always really intense and either get you in a fight kinda mood, or they're a "here comes the heroes" type of march. It's all from games I've played, so I remember the intense ass boss battles and how you get so ticked off cause that motherfucker just killed one of your friends and you're gonna beat his ass to bits. Fuck yeah! I've always done things a little differently. ;)

The hero themes are always from when shit looks bleak, the good guys look beaten...but something changes and it's time to go! They're off to save the world!

You know what, me too. :)

~A.