Primordial Chaos

Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around Comes Around




You know, I wonder if anyone has ever liked one of the songs I use. No one would tell me to my face if they didn't, so I don't ask. But still.

http://abcnews.go.com/WN/AutismNews/court-rules-vaccines-autism/story?id=10087249

I've fucking had it with these people. They are wasting time and money while holding back those of us with some fucking sense. This isn't fucking hard. Autism is a developmental/social disorder. Guess when you get vaccinated? WHEN YOU'RE FUCKING DEVELOPING SKILLS AFFECTED BY AUTISM! So of course it's gonna manifest the same time as vaccines. You can't tell if a baby has social skills till they start learning to socialize. Duhr. God this shit makes me so fucking mad.

Since that is out of my system, moving on. I'm on spring break so yay, I have a bunch of homework to do over break, so boo. So I've got a lot to say this post as you'll find out one way or another. :)

So, there's the whole parking lot fist fight incident. The short story is one of the guys who broke into my mom's car recognized me/my car since he had to pass by mine to get to my mom's and when I looked out the window to see the commotion I know he saw me. He attacked me and there was a fight. Short story.

Here's the longer version. I had gone over to friend's house to hang out for a few and give him a ride to work since his car was in the shop. I decided to drive for a bit after dropping him off since I'd put new fluids in my car. I pulled over to change the Pandora station on my Droid since I play it through my car stereo and these two guys in 2 diff vehicles where having some shady meeting in the back of the Home Depot parking lot. I was busy trying to find a station not playing crap, so didn't really notice them until one guy started coming at my car. I was thinking he was gonna ask me about my car because people come up to me all the time to ask about it, so I get out to greet him.

Apparently he recognized my car from breaking into mom's, and by the time I put 2 and 2 together and realized this was one of the crooks and saw his car which I recognized, the guy was 30 feet away and started charging at me and I had 2 options. Get in my car, but my window was down and there was no time to get it up so he could have reached in and choked me, or do things the old fashioned way. The guy got one hit on me but then I laid into him, broke teeth, teeth are missing, broke his nose, broke his jaw and for sure at least one black eye. His buddy took off in the middle of this, but I'd already gotten a description. For purely vindictive reasons, I landed a few hard kicks to his groin, if his junk ever works again it'll be a medical miracle and I curbstomped him without a curb, so basically just stomping his face into the asphalt. THEN I called the sheriff.

They found mom's old debit card in the dude's pocket along with others, and apparently some other recently reported stolen stuff in his car. Guess they were doing a handoff or something and I was just in the right place (or wrong, depending on how you see it) at the right time. Honors student by day, crimefighter at night. :P

So, it wasn't like I'd tracked them down and exacted revenge. I was protecting myself and the guy made a really bad judgment call on who he chose to attack. THEN I exacted revenge. You don't victimize me, it's one of my favorite characteristics about me. I hold people responsible for themselves. People hate me for this but whatever. I specifically called the sheriff because they're not fucking media whores like the city cops and I had no desire to be on the news. Last shit I need. Especially since this guy was part of a larger crime ring. But they already know where I live since they got my mom. That's the bad news.

My mom and Jess are concerned they're gonna come after me since I'm responsible for one of them getting busted. Valid concerns, part of me knows that could happen. So now both me and Jess are packing heat in our rooms. Yes, there is a loaded gun (with safety on and no bullet in the chamber) in my room. It's what has become my gun since it's lightweight and I've been using it to shoot, an XD-45. So, .45 caliber handgun. Jess has a similar gun, also a .45, in his room. There's also his rifle. He keeps loaded magazines in his room and showed me where they are. Just in case. Jess called it a "heater for around the house". I have sweatpants I've designated for "around the house". We're talking about a GUN here. Crazy. You wanna get really freaked out? We're both packing .45s loaded with HOLLOWPOINT BULLETS. Why do I get the feeling no one wants to be around me when I get PMS? :P

Twisted jokes aside, I've also been well trained, both professionally and by Jess, about gun safety. I know this gun, I know how to use it, I know its features, so I'm not quite so afraid of having it around. The magazine of hollowpoints does freak me out though. You wanna know why Jess chose hollowpoints? Because they lose energy quickly and won't go through walls, so it minimizes damage to the house in case shit goes south. Definitely won't minimize damage to people, ha. What a fucking thing to be considerate of in advance, not fucking up the drywall. Something tells me, god forbid, if we have to shoot in the house, we have bigger problems than the drywall. Just saying.

So they've tracked down some of the factors of my epilepsy. I'm at a strong genetic risk for it, but I knew that. What has actually been setting me off is a lowered blood sugar. At least it's not flashing lights. Let me explain:

When I was supremely overweight, obviously I was not eating healthy and was eating a bunch of sugary crap. My body and brain adapted to that and those blood sugar levels. Well, I lost like 100 pounds (yeah, ONE HUNDRED POUNDS) and was eating better. The problem being my blood sugar is now much much lower than it used to be. Low blood sugar triggers seizures, mine is well within the healthy range but "low" compared to what it is used to. Before both seizures I hadn't eaten for 10+ hours, and I haven't been running (for a lot of reasons, depression, busy with school, fear of seizing on a run, etc.) and because I haven't been running as much, I'm not eating as many carbohydrates as I had been when marathon training. So what was probably protecting me from the seizures was my carb loading before runs. So basically, I'm genetically wired to have a lower seizure threshold and the blood sugar issue lowered my threshold even more to the point of actually seizing. That's what we THINK is up, anyways. Basically, I'm getting my ass kicked by two forms of epilepsy that have teamed up. There's more than one form of epilepsy in case you were unaware, for example seizures triggered by flashing lights is a form of epilepsy so are  recurrent absence seizures. There's a chance once my body adjusts to my new dietary habits this crap will stop, there's a chance it won't. Anti-seizure meds are in my future regardless. I get healthy...and I get seizures. Seriously.

Speaking of, I realized it is physically impossible for me to be a size 0. Actually, anything smaller than a 4-6, which is only a size smaller than I am now. Why? Because even as it stands my jeans rest quite snugly on my hip bones, and there isn't much fat left between the bones and the outside world. Built for curves and nothing but. :)

One last thing, I'm so totally constantly thinking about my college apps and how decisions are coming up in April and May. Completely obsessed, always online checking out other transfer students and what their stats are and how do I stack up...which of course has me feeling inferior and insufficient. I still do it though. I'm hoping my essays, adapted from their original purpose, really stick with the adcoms. They're looking for variety and differed experiences, and I'm pretty sure my crazy life counts as differed. It's absolutely unique and interesting, for sure. I still think I probably won't get in to my 1st choice, it's a fucking long shot. I haven't decided what I'll do if I don't, even if I get into another place I applied to, I might just stay a Lobo. :) I will be academically miserable, but there's basketball and Lobo pride which are fun experiences in and of themselves. Plus I have this place by the balls.

I'm pretty sure you can't think of anyone else you know who is an honors student 6 times over. I'm gonna be wearing a BUNCH of cords and sashes, possibly a stole, when I graduate. :)

That's just how I do things, you know. With a badass flair.

~A.