Primordial Chaos

I realized that no matter where I go to school or even what area of the country I go to, someone somewhere is going to assume my motives. I go NE, and it'll be I'm just trying to run away from my family. I go SE and it'll be because of Warren. I stay here I'll be miserable. I go NW, friends there. I go SW, friends there and/or the beach. I also realized I looked over some schools because of this. So I'm re-evaluating to see if maybe I might have missed somewhere that would be a good fit. If I'm gonna catch some bullshit one way or another, then fuck it, I'm gonna get bullshit so no need to try and avoid it. (BTW, all examples of bullshit I'd receive depending on where I go I've already received.)

And people wonder why I'm being so secretive about this whole thing. I didn't ask for anyone's opinion on why I want to go here or there, or what they think of this school or that. Every time I mention a school I get a bunch of shit I don't care about. Everyone knows my end goal, and that's THE reason I'd go anywhere. End of story. That's my criteria, how can this school prepare and help me get to where I want to go. I will not hear any fucking backtalk otherwise.

What this all means is the isolation I feel because people can't just fucking support me and be like "well you know what's best for you" and have to criticize me and my decisions has taken its final toll. In other words, I went from being really sad and feeling alone to BEING PISSED THE FUCK OFF. You know how I get when I'm pissed off. Watch your step. If I get anymore negativity, you will get one of my rather offensive insults. Some of you know the type of shit I can say when mad. No one is immune at this point. If you're not behind me, then you're in front of me and I will fucking run you over. I didn't want to do this alone, but if I have to then so be it. Not like solitude is a new thing to me.

Bad enough I was feeling depressed and alone, now I'm pissed off. My general mood is TERRIBLE. I'm swamped with schoolwork, I have some other mental shit I have to fight through alone, and now this horseshit. Hell is other people.

I had all this other stuff I wanted to say, but I'm so pissed off I'm just not in the mood. Hopefully tomorrow, and if not, then whatever.

Consider the line drawn. And I'm just waiting for the first person to cross it. I will eat them alive and make an example of them that I mean business.

I'm fucking ashamed of some of you, that you would dare piss on my parade.

~A.