Primordial Chaos

Song by Gil Scott Heron:



Now sweet little ol' brown eyed girl...

You know how I know I get wiser as I get older? Because my dad starts making sense. :P It gets easier to see what I formerly classified as being overbearing was just being protective. Maybe it's not communicated the best way, but I still get the point. We're both pig-headed and have a tendency to feel that the other one is wrong. (Didn't you say your rule 1 was you're always right, dad? :P) My kneejerk reaction is he is trying to hold me back, and his is that I'm being impulsive and don't know what I'm doing. I'm specifically referring to the whole me transferring thing from here forward. After doing a lot of thinking about many things, I realized he is just trying to make sure my ducks are in a row before I do anything drastic. I'm pretty sure he understands my logic behind the whole idea...but worries about me. I know he loves the snot out of me though. I don't question that. We're just both very strong personalities that don't always see things the same way. I do always take his advice and points into consideration. ALWAYS. I've even adjusted and further researched a few things because he mentioned things that slipped by me.

I don't think that we'll ever realize we're both on the same team and have the same goals. It's just that way. But we bring two very different perspectives to the table that when put together make a clearer picture. I know that we're taking two different ways to reach the same conclusion. How he, or I, or both of us get there doesn't matter. It's that we get there. We're still gonna argue on how to get there though. :P

When I left Oklahoma to make the drive back to ABQ, that morning I saw just how much my dad loves me and cares. First, he was harping on me about stopping to guzzle some Red Bull for the drive and how it's not good for me. He actually did guilt me out of drinking Red Bull...but in Amarillo I stopped and got a Red Bull cola, which is Red Bull's version of coca cola, it's not cola with red bull in it. That was my way of rebelling a little. I wound up not even drinking the damn thing until 3 days after I'd gotten back. So much for THAT rebellion. :P I'm laughing at myself right now.

During my stay there, he picked up on my fondness for green tea and raw almonds. So that morning I left he gave me a thermos cup of hot green tea, a bag of raw almonds and some dark chocolate for my caffeine fix. I seriously about cried over that. That meant the world to me. I drink green tea out of that cup every morning now, it was that special to me. It reminds me of his thoughtfulness and how much he really is looking out for me. I'm about to cry now just thinking about it, really.

Sometimes the smallest things say the most. Sometimes they even say it without seemingly saying it. The message got through to me though.

I love you too, dad.

~A.