Primordial Chaos

Song by Van Hunt.


I really should start trying to youtube the songs I use as titles. Except mine. :P Maybe over Christmas break I'll go back and do it...though there's 75 posts to go through...I'll do it anyways. I'll put a star or something by the title so you don't have to go through all of them, if you go back through them at all. :P

I thought some quiet time by myself and a good night's sleep would help me feel better. Yeah, not so much. I'm still so angry I'll start crying. 4 of my 6 classes I had planned on taking are now full. I have to redo my whole schedule, but can't until I can register which isn't for over a week because I don't know what will and will not be full, when I can take a class, etc. This is pissing me off more than it usually would because I'm trying to fulfill transfer requirements for a couple of different places with different requirements. I just keep getting angrier and angrier.

I've never been so angry I get depressed. Until now. Most of you know how I can be when I get riled up, where basically I'm up in my tree and I'm not coming down until it happens on its own. Nothing can get me out of my tree. (Well...not entirely true, I've encountered one thing that can, but I'm not going there.) It's funny, most people get so mad they can't speak well, I get so mad I speak exceptionally well and there is no mistaking the acid in my voice. Every word is delivered in a very precise but curt manner. When I'm so mad I'm fucking articulate, that's not a good thing. I'm a little fireball in good mood, in a bad...the sun has got nothing on me.

The Heels play tonight, and as much as I am trying to have my usual excitement, I don't. I'm consumed with rage, basically. I can be a bit standoffish, but now, I'm just plain hostile. Usually, I try to me patient and polite. For example, if a guy starts trying to run game on me, I'll usually be pretty nice about it. (I've made a few of my friends this way.) Earlier some guy came up to me and said "Wow, you're a stunna like shades, girl. Why hasn't a man put a ring on that finger?" First of all, referring to me in the context of stunna shades (if you don't know what they are, http://tinyurl.com/lswzye) is not really a great start. Not asking my name is a second strike, and implying that I should belong to some man is strike three. He was out at strike one though, really. I reply, in an excessively curt manner: "Because no man is that stupid." Pretty sure I scared the guy. Also sure I don't give a shit.

Tried writing my anger out, can't even write my thoughts coherently. Tried talking to other people, but they don't necessarily understand why this is a major issue for me or even why the issues this causes are distressing me. Tried running, tried some kick boxing, tried a punching bag, tried swimming...nothing is bringing me out of this mood. I don't like how this feels. I want it to stop.

Don't even wanna blog, either. There may be a sudden halt to my posts...if so, I will come back when this funk lifts.

~A.