Primordial Chaos

I look at the theme and pretenses under which this blog was created, fertile with possibilities, future source of order and greatness, and I've been mulling this over for a few weeks now. The point of this blog was to document me finding myself, finding my way.

And I've done just that. Hell, I've blown everyone away at just how well and how successful I've become so damn quickly. Chapel Hill is not a school just anyone gets admitted to, and definitely not an easy one to transfer into. I did it, I transferred into one of the best schools in the country, and hell, in state tuition at CH is cheaper (by like 900 bucks!) than instate here at UNM! Honors this and that, when I graduate I'm going to be decked out in all kinds of honors regalia, cords, tassels, etc. Got a paid research assistant position ON CAMPUS, and probably going to sign up for a unpaid internship at an elementary school for autistic kiddos.

All of this is exciting and scary, and I have a lot to learn to rebuild my comfort zone in Chapel Hill. That's the scary part, the part that gives me pause, having to live outside of my comfort zone for a while. Obviously, I push myself hard, and I don't want to do anything while I'm adjusting to leave a bad impression on anyone in my new environs. I don't handle discomfort well sometimes, unfortunately, especially involving a new place AND new people. I will try hard to keep my cool, but I'm not perfect. Yes, I'm showing a bit of humility here, even though when I walk out the door I put on my "you can't touch this" attitude. That attitude helps me navigate scary situations because I just think to myself that I can do it, and I can do it better. It seems to work and my confidence conquers my fears a lot more often than not. What's even better is people around me believe it too. People I meet think I'm hot shit because I think I'm hot shit and I act like I'm hot shit. Walks like a badass, talks like a badass, must be a badass! They don't have to know I have a tender side. You can forget I said that too. :P

My point is this, that this blog is no longer where I am in life and mind, hence my disinterest and neglect of it. It's a new phase and I need a new blog with new titles and new theme and everything. Eventually, when I figure out what the theme is, I will create a new blog. Until then, this will be my last post on this blog, and this blog, in one week's time, will be put under a new blog that I use to archive old phases of my blog, instead of my previous habit of deleting them entirely.

Thanks to everyone for sharing this phase of my life with me. For those of you still on the train, hang the fuck on, this new phase is shaping up to blow everyone's mind.

~A.