Oh man. I feel sick to my stomach. My 1st choice school app is in and it's complete. Transcripts are there, test scores, my application and what I think are my very strong essays, all there and accounted for. Whatever image of me those things provide is what I'll get judged on, regardless of what that image is. I am so nervous and so scared right now. I'm just laying on my bed typing this while shaking. I feel like I wanna cry. But this is it. I'm a sure in to my safety school, and that's great. However my number one choice is number one for a reason. 2 large reasons, really.
This is not a sure thing, I'm not an easy in. You have to understand I haven't really been in a position where my academic abilities were not enough. This could very well be one. I've ridden pretty high through my life academically. To get shot down at a major turning point would suck. I don't know how I would take it, I don't know academic rejection. I don't want to.
Getting in would require me to make some hard choices. And for the first time be completely on my own without anyone to lean on, or anyone I know even. Just me. That scares the piss out of me. I'd have to build my life from nothing/no one. Can I even do that?
I'm not so cocky and confident now, am I?
~A.
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~A.
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