Primordial Chaos

Ahmad - Back In The Day



I totally lied. I did not have the creative writing thing fixed by noon, but did have it fixed before I went home. However, it had been replaced earlier with another UNM issue. I have to take an intersession class because of the timing of how I transferred in. Which they didn't tell me until, oh, TODAY. I could have taken that class this fall. Argh. Anyways, I'm all set for spring, barring possibly maybe adding a class. I'm at 15 hours though, and I think I should keep it there and instead of another class GO OUTSIDE, lol.

Seriously though, I think next semester I should be more social, go out and do stuff, talk to random people...because next fall I will be on my own somewhere and I'll have to make new contacts and friends. Might be helpful if I had some mastery of how to do so. Might just be helpful period. This is a scary idea. Part of me knows it's a good idea too. I can't live the rest of my life inside my head, though I'd like to if I got half a chance. :P As one of my friends put it "college is more than just classes, there are other things to learn". He's right. The idea still freaks me out though. I have no idea how to initiate small talk and NOT be awkward. NONE. I don't initiate conversations. I don't know why, most people find me witty and charming once they talk to me, so not sure why I'm so afraid of being immediately rejected and ignored. I have so much to learn...despite the strides I've made in the past 3 years. So very much left to learn just to catch up.

As it stands, I'm heading back to where I grew up this weekend. I wonder just how different it is from how I remember it. Man...am I really an adult? Where the hell did those years go? I'm 26! Holy shit! I CAN SEE 30 FROM HERE. I'm sure my dad wants to slap me upside my head for complaining about being 26 when he's turning the big 60 soon. ;) (There's probably other reasons he wants to slap me upside my head too, lol.)

I had my oral French interview today, and on the recommendation of my dad (you KNOW I'm getting old if I'm actually listening to my parents advice :P) I used a joke to start off. I tweeted this joke once, but it's still one of my favs to tell because it's SO bad it's goofy. (Kinda like most of my dad's jokes! :P) Anyways, here goes:

My dad's retired. He was tired yesterday and he's tired again today.

I'm cracking up, I love that joke. It went over really well too, REALLY well. But it's a REALLY bad joke. I love silliness like that, sometimes it's more about the laughing than anything else. Sometimes the laughs get drowned out by other noise though...and eventually, the laughs stop. I don't like that. Life sucks when things get in the way of laughing.

So much in my life is on the edge of change. The closer it comes, any of it, the more scared I get. I'm not even gonna bs you, I'm TERRIFIED. I'm gonna have that deer in the headlights look for a bit. I think everyone, including myself, will be impressed with the me that comes out of it all. Can't finish until you start..

You know, when you're a kid you get physical aches and pains as you grow and your body adjusts to the new height, length and width. When you're an adult, you get mental/emotional aches and pains as you grow and adjust to the new strength, lessons learned and depth.

No one said this was going to be easy.

~A.