Primordial Chaos

Lyric from an Oasis song I heard while finishing my essay last minute. I'm still chuckling, 15 mins before class started. That's a record.

So while being a mopey sulking crybaby, as I do, I sought refuge and comfort in the arms of....Cherry Garcia. Yes, the ice cream, and it should be illegal because of how good it is. Anyways, I was inhaling pints of the stuff like my life depended on it. I think I went through 7 PINTS in 2.5 days. I am very much so an emotional eater, and that is how my weight got out of control the first time. Let me tell you, 251 pounds does NOT look good on my 5'9" body. 170 is quite nice, thank you very much. Anyways, between that and the carb binges, I slapped on a few pounds over the course of almost 2 weeks. Not good. I'm kind of obsessive that I keep my weight between 165-175, and I went flying out of my range. Well, not THAT dramatic, but more than 2 pounds, which is enough to make me stop in my tracks. I lost a large chunk of the weight cutting out a bunch of carbs in the first place, breads, sugary anything, sodas, ice cream, candy, you get the idea. I was on a low carb diet, but not intentionally. I stuck to seafood and chicken along with veggies and fresh fruit. The carb binging sent my body out of control, and it started stockpiling. I weigh myself every morning and have a nifty little spreadsheet with a graph that shows me trends, so I can stop things before they get too out of control like they did before. Those days show an upward trend I'm really not proud of, didn't help it was close to Halloween and candy was fucking everywhere. It was the first time I'd gained a decent chunk of weight in a long time. So the past few days I've been reigning myself in, working out and/or running (shitloads of swimming) and fighting my addictions to Cherry Garcia and Jones soda. (I swear they put addictive substances in those) I'm about 3 pounds over my usual 170, but I'm pretty sure that's water bloat from that whole once a month thing. I'm just glad I caught it and stopped it, I'm glad I have the willpower and self control to do so. Gotta take care of me.

Over the course of my guitar playing and after getting tired of playing someone else's stuff, I've written a few songs, both lyrics and guitar music. I had gotten out of the habit of playing when I broke my arm (oh I am SO SMOOTH) and after that I had grown my nails out fairly long which made playing fucking impossible. Well, recently I fell (as I do) and broke a few of my nails so I cut them all down. In an effort to funnel some of this "I hate men I hate the world I'll never get involved with anyone ever again for any reason" mentality out of me, I finished up/rewrote some of the songs I'd started before breaking my arm. Where I had 4 finished songs before, this evening I just finished up #11. I'm very proud of this. I'm sure you'll see the titles come up as post titles eventually, but here's the track listing, heehee.

1. They Say - Written about and during he and I in better times...
2. A Life In the Key Of A
3. I Don't Need Your Help (To Be Unhappy)
4. Together Today, Torture Tomorrow
5. Follow That Star
6. Give And Take
7. Sunset
8. Never Again Until Tomorrow
9. Shoot The Moon
10. Over The Eastern Wall
11. That Sunday Afternoon (I'll Never Forget)

I have the basic beginnings to 3 more, don't know if I will finish all of them though. I went through 40 or so ideas to get these 11. It's kinda cool to have your own music all done by you. I might, maybe, record some of these to send out. The idea scares me, so we'll see. I get to fuse my love of writing with my love of music, so I like writing songs for the sake of writing songs.

Just trying to distract myself till the storm passes....

~A.