I took off my glasses briefly because my eyes were watering (I'm sick with something), and I set them right where you see in the picture. This image struck me, so I took a pic of it. I can't really tell you why it struck me. I set it as my desktop background too. There's just something about this picture that is really getting to me. Is it the empty page in one of my many notebooks? Is it the juxtaposition of the pen and paper? The way my glasses imply a level of nerdiness and intelligence? That I should be writing? Should I be writing? Does the world need my voice? I don't know, that picture triggers A LOT of thoughts.
Between posting my other post from today and now, I realized two things. I have to write a page 4. It just became mission critical. These 3 pages are a start to my impending future, there will most likely be even more pages. It's not done, not yet. These pages are NOT easy writing. Some of the most difficult writing I've ever done lies in these pages, and I mean difficult mentally, difficult in style, difficult technically. The second thing I realized is that writing is an absolute must if I plan to go through with my secret. In a way, I will write part of my own fate. But I have to write, I have no choice unless I back down from this. And I can't do that. If I do decide to back down, the regrets would eat me alive. The path forward isn't much easier.
Use my words. I hope they don't fail me.
~A.
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